I love it when you come across a product that does what it actually says it will. Not only that, the ethics and inspiration for the product comes from a true, authentic place. Jacqueline Evans products are beautiful and an indulgence we all deserve.

In keeping with a theme of self care these are beautiful natural products made with love and from the heart to improve your skin. Luxurious!

Have a look at her website and try it for yourself.

https://www.jacquelineevans.com.au/instagram jevansskincare

These Self Care articles are written by a wonderful colleague of mine, who is a gifted therapist. They are on my clinic blog site at movingmindsets.com.au. Please enjoy her ideas and be kind to yourself.

LOOKING AFTER YOURSELF

By Jane Anastasios, Psychologist

Some conversations we have with people stick with us. Many years back, I was chatting with a colleague talking through my concerns about a close friend who was very unwell and had just been diagnosed with a terminal illness. I was wondering how I could be there for my friend and at the same time be attending to, let alone enjoying, the usual raft of things I had unwittingly managed to pile up on my plate (work, study, my new found love for yoga, social and family commitments). At the end of our conversation she very gently said "Take care, take very good care of yourself". I immediately felt cared for, understood, and I also knew what I needed to do - such simple and wise words.

Sometimes we really need to take extra care of ourselves to cope with what life throws our way. We need to look after ourselves and tend to our own needs, as we can quickly or ever so gradually end up exhausted, stressed out, overwhelmed, physically unwell, being grouchy with people, and not terribly happy, all stopping us from enjoying life and being available to those we care about. And when we are tracking pretty well in life and haven't had too much extra thrown our way, looking after ourselves can help us keep enjoying life, feel satisfied, be productive, and contribute in meaningful ways.

People often have pretty good ideas about what they need to do to take care of others or what others could do to look after themselves, and we even know what might be good for us. Yet we don't always heed our own advice and put these very things into place in our own lives, especially when we need to the most. The New Year and other pivotal times (e.g. having kids, facing a crisis, being seriously injured) in our lives often lead us to reflect and consider what else we could be doing towards leading more fulfilling lives and/or looking after ourselves a whole lot better. I am tipping that for those of you who made New Year's resolutions, that some aspects related to looking after yourself a little better probably made it onto your list (e.g.: exercising more, eating more healthily, learning a new skill, spending more time with friends and family, going out). This series of brief articles on SELF-CARE offer up some ideas, information and research findings to ponder, as you take stock and consider the ways that you look after yourself.

What is Self-Care

Helping people to take steps towards improving their general well-being is an area central to a psychologist's work. We work with people as they take stock of their lives and the situations they find themselves in and help them to find ways to take care of themselves whilst contending with and coping with difficult life situations and circumstances. Taking care of yourself or self-care might best be thought of as a set of strategies or practices that people can use and actions they take on a fairly regular basis to improve, maintain or enhance their general, physical, emotional and psychological wellbeing. Self-care is also an attitude toward yourself that you and your needs matter. It can help when dealing with stress and stop the cascade into burnout, with coping when struggling with anxiety and depression, and also contribute to and enhanced sense of wellbeing and life satisfaction

Why Self Care Matters

There is truckload of psychological research and related literature that focuses on understanding the links among people's wellbeing and life satisfaction and a number of practices and factors (physical, social, psychological and emotional) that can contribute to, enhance or hamper our wellbeing. This research and information has found some interesting links that are worth considering when thinking about the value of self-care:

Looking after our physical (e.g. exercising, sleeping well) and mental health (e.g. meditation), engaging in enjoyable and meaningful activities, contributing to society through work and other purposeful activities, and connecting with other people have been linked to an enhanced sense of wellbeing and life satisfaction. (Genetics, biology and some other social and psychological factors such as personality and life events also come into play).
Many of these factors/areas are inter-related and can influence one another -it seems that if we make some small shifts and improvements in one area it can have a flow on effect to the other areas of our life and therefore to our overall wellbeing. The flip side is also often the case - when we neglect too many of these areas in an ongoing way, we tend to fair worse physically and/or psychologically.
Active engagement in self- care practices have been found to be helpful for people who have experienced anxiety, stress, depression, chronic pain, and some other psychological and mental health difficulties
When we are faced with stressful life events and situations the ways we go about coping seems to matter to our physical and mental health
Looking after ourselves by actively attending to some or all of these areas of our lives does not guarantee our wellbeing, life satisfaction, or improved quality of life, nor does it protect us from experiencing difficult times and circumstances in our lives but when these things do happen, we may be just a little bit better equipped to cope and deal with adversity and stressful situations when they inevitably arise.

Research aside, working out why looking after yourself matters to you, seems important. How and in what ways might self-care enhance your life and wellbeing?

What else you might like to consider when thinking about about self-care:

It is possible to learn and put into practice a range of self-care strategies and make some lifestyle changes, that can contribute to our wellbeing. Some are hard yakka and take patience and persistence, others more simple and a little easier to add into our lives. Making lasting changes can take time and effort.
Sometimes it is not about adding more things into our lives, but might instead involve making small changes to what is already or has already worked well, or it might mean taking out some things that are not working so well for us.
Sometimes making sweeping or even small changes is not the way to go, as tempting as it can be. Taking time to pause and consider if now is the right time is important - in my mind this is self-care, listening carefully to your needs and acting upon them accordingly. It may be that you have other pressing things that need our attention and adding something extra into the mix just adds to the stress. You might be better off holding off for a short spell until things subside a little. If you are in doubt about this, talk it over with a professional.
If you are wanting to make some changes and find new or additional ways to take care of yourself, goal setting and planning can help. You may find it helpful to talk it over with your GP, a psychologist or other allied health care professional.
If you are already working with a psychologist or other mental healthcare professional, it would be worthwhile talking about self -care strategies and how they might be helpful to you.
This business of self-care and looking after yourself can all sound a bit on the serious side. Some of it is, and yet building in time, space and activities just for fun and pleasure is equally important. Leaving space for spontaneity or doing not much at all - allowing things to just unfold holds value too.
Self-care strategies whilst all share some core components will look very different for each of us, depending on who we are, what's going on in our lives, what life stage we are at, and what our needs, preferences, strengths and limitations are. Don't fall into the trap of thinking there is only one way or one set of strategies to use. The 'self' in self-care is important to keep in mind.
The 'self' in self -care, doesn't mean you are on your own in all of this. In fact, the research strongly suggests that connecting with others, having meaningful relationships and supportive people (friends, family, acquaintances, work colleagues, professionals) in our our lives is very important to our wellbeing. Spending time with people we like and asking for help from others when we need it are important self-care strategies.

Want to know some more about all of this research:

http://www.pursuit-of-happiness.org/science-of-happiness/

https://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au/clinical-resources/wellness/general-wellbeing

What's Next:

In the following couple of blog articles we'll take a look at some more specific strategies and techniques for you to consider. The focus is more on the practice or doing self-care. To simplify things I have clustered these into three core and inter- related areas and will tackle each one in turn.

Physical Self Care Practices: (eg. sleep, healthy eating, exercise, stress management and ways to calm the body and mind)
Psychological Self Care Practices: (e.g. self -compassion, self-awareness, and understanding our emotions - finding ways to respond rather than be reactive)
Social Self Care Practices: (e.g.: engaging with people, activities, and society in ways that are meaningful, bring fulfilment, a sense of accomplishment and/or enjoyment)

Until next time, take care.

Self-Compassion one way of looking after your emotional wellbeing

By Jane Anastasios, Psychologist

Oh my gorgeous lovely neighbour. She knocked on my door unannounced the other day only to be met with a somewhat frazzled, irritated and cursing version of me. Before she could even say hello, off I launched: " I can't believe it, I'm such an idiot, of all days, my @%beep## computer has finally decided to stop co-operating, the damn space bar is jammed and the 'a' key thinks it is an 's', it's my own stupid fault I still haven't gone to get it fixed after one of the kids spilt water on it before Christmas, [that's a whole other story], and as usual I've stupidly left things to the last minute. Of course I'm in the thick of writing a lecture that is proving to be bigger than Ben Hur. What was I thinking? I can't do this. I may have bitten off a little more than I can chew with this one. And I've got my parents coming over a bit later, the house is a mess as usual and I haven't got any afternoon tea to feed them...What was I thinking?". Having beaten myself up sufficiently and whipped myself into a right lather, I took a slight pause to draw breath …. "Oh, and how are you?" She delightfully and gently chuckled: "One of those days, huh. Glad to know you are human too. I just popped by to thank you. I finally decided to take up that redundancy package I talked to you about. Lucky for you, now that I have just a bit too much spare time on my hands, I have re-discovered my inner Nigella. I'm just returning the cake tin I borrowed from you". I looked at her somewhat vacantly at first, then at the cake tin she was offering up to me, the cake tin, that in the throes of my rant, I had failed to notice, and in it was the most beautifully iced chocolate cake I'd ever laid eyes on. My day was starting to look better already.

We have all had "one of those days", sometimes they extend into weeks, months and even years. It maybe the culmination of a series of seemingly minor stressful events (like computers that won't co-operate when you really need them to) or being faced with big decisions like my neighbour's redundancy and all that that entails, or sad news or awful circumstances and situations that you or someone you care deeply about has to endure (or possibly all of these things together). We all experience sadness, disappointment, relationship difficulties, illness, loss, frustration, anger, rejection, anxiety, fear, self-doubt, and guilt. These are inescapable parts of being human, even though we do our best to navigate, dodge, outstep and even go to great lengths at times to avoid or outright ignore them and the whole host of emotions we experience when they do happen. One of the other things about being human is our capacity to self-reflect and to attempt to make sense of what goes on for us and around us. This can be both a blessing (when we are able to do this in a calm and considered way) and a curse (when we are so derailed by overwhelming sadness or anger or worry that we just go over and over it in our heads, and none of our solutions seems ideal). Thankfully we can also be quite adaptable when we need to adjust to changes or cope with difficulties, even though this may take time and hard work and be met by resistance (mostly our own). In this article I would like to offer up a few ideas, research offerings, practices and strategies to consider as a way of taking care of yourself by acting more kindly towards yourself as you attend to your rich, sometimes complex and perplexing emotional world. In essence the ideas below could be summed up in one simple sentence: "BE KIND TO YOURSELF, YOU ARE ONLY HUMAN AFTERALL"

Self Compassion & Emotional Wellbeing

In recent years a whole new body of research has been emerging in the psychology field that focuses on the idea of self-compassion. The research is showing how when we are kind and gentle on ourselves rather than giving ourselves a hard time about our failings or trying to overly focus on changing (vs accepting) ourselves because of some perceived inadequacy or vulnerability, we seem to fair better psychologically. A lack of self-compassion can take its toll on our physical and mental wellbeing and performance at work, home and in relationships.

Self-compassion involves being kind to yourself or gentle on yourself when you have mucked up, made a mistake, not done as you had hoped, failed at something, or acted in a way that you were not so proud of. It is not self-pity or an opt out clause (which can also lead us to feel stuck) rather it is a particular way of viewing ourselves (warts and all) and the difficult circumstances we confront at times in a way that can help us to move through and navigate these difficulties. It encourages and allows us to accept responsibility for or own our actions and feelings, but doing so in a way that is non-blaming and non-punitive. We can often be compassionate and kind to friends and family, even strangers, but are less familiar and comfortable with being compassionate to ourselves. Next time you are going through a tough time or think you have mucked up in some way, try asking yourself what you might say to a good friend in similar circumstances, or what they might say to you.

Self-compassion also refers to recognizing and accepting those events or circumstances that are not of our making or not in our orbit of control that can make us feel vulnerable and have considerable impact on us and how we feel. The self-compassion researchers have found that being kind to ourselves by recognizing that we are human, that we all face adversity, and experience suffering (they call this common humanity), rather than berating ourselves or the world or pretending we are impervious to life, leads to improved psychological wellbeing by helping us to be more resilient and better able to cope with adversity.

Self-Compassion: Mindful Awareness & Emotional Awareness

Being more self-compassionate also involves an awareness of how we are feeling generally and in the moment. Paying attention to our moment to moment internal and external experiences without judgment using mindfulness and self-compassion builds our flexibility, adaptability and tolerance to the inevitable challenges of being a human and in relationship with others. It involves noticing and being aware of how we feel when we are either being overly-judgemental, critical and harsh about ourselves, our actions, our shortcomings, or when we attempt to avoid, repress or ignore our feelings.

Self- Compassion, Self-Talk and Emotional Wellbeing

Noticing the unkind and sometimes harsh and judgemental ways we talk to ourselves when things aren't going so well or we've mucked up in some way can be helpful. Speaking more kindly to ourselves, perhaps as we would to a friend dealing with similar struggles helps us to lighten up on ourselves, reducing our tendency for perfection and self-imposed high standards (eg."I should…, I must.."). We sometimes expect so much of ourselves and we can fall into the trap of beating ourselves up when we fall short of our unrealistic expectations. Giving ourselves a break and extending compassion allows us to acknowledge with kindness that we are frustrated, angry, worried and that we are human (rather than "a stupid idiot who can't do anything right"). The good news is that we can learn or re-learn ways to judge ourselves less harshly and change the way we talk to ourselves - we can challenge our thoughts and related self-talk. This can then in turn help us to find or navigate towards a different and hopefully more helpful solution to our situation or emotional response. A psychologist can help you with this skill.

Self-Compassion: Self- Soothing and Calming ourselves

When we are experiencing difficult or strong emotions it helps if we can find some caring ways to soothe ourselves. Being aware of a few things you can do to help you feel somewhat calmer in the moment when you are going through a difficult time or feeling strong emotions seems to help. The trick seems to be working out what helps you best. Sometimes it is about a brief distraction and taking a break or pause from it momentarily, or riding it out, other times it is about directly dealing with it, processing it. Here are some ideas that other people have used that you might find helpful:

Focus on your Breathing
Relaxation exercises
Meditate
Go for a walk or run
Have a bath or shower
Cry
Listen to some music
Talk with a supportive friend, family member, work colleague, neighbour, GP or other helping professional either about how you are feeling or just simply spending some time with them to enjoy their company
Drawing, colouring in
Writing or journalling
Knitting, sewing
Do some housework
Cooking
Read a book, Watch a movie or TV show, Listen to a podcast
Eat a piece of chocolate cake that your neighbour made for you (okay maybe it was 2 pieces. Maybe not the whole cake cos then you might feel bad about that too - who am I to judge; and yes I know I have just contradicted everything I said in the last article about how healthy eating patterns can help improve our psychological wellbeing - I am only human afterall)

Self Compassion, Self Understanding, and our Relationships with others.

Being kind to ourselves by comforting ourselves as we struggle with difficult experiences can also enhance our relationships by helping us to learn more about our needs and preferences and face our flaws and limitations. When we learn more about ourselves we are in a better position to find ways to help others we care about or interact with to understand us. When we understand ourselves in a compassionate way, it can also help us to feel a bit more willing to admit to and repair our mistakes - acknowledgement and warranted apologies can go a long way. We can learn to move towards understanding our emotional reactions, learn to take time to reflect, rather than just launch out and react or over-react in the moment, and we can learn to find ways to respond to interpersonal difficulties and tricky situations with others. We can learn to attend to and speak about our concerns, reactions, and needs in more thoughtful honest and direct ways with others, which seems a little easier when we are kind to ourselves and the other person in the process. A psychologist or relationship counsellor can help you sort and sift through some of this.

Want to know some more about Self Compassion:

Check out Kristin Neff's (an expert on self-compassion) website www.selfcompassion.org.

And, no my computer is still not fixed. Here's to being human, to chocolate cake, and to the good neighbours who bake these cakes - the subject of my next article. We will focus in on finding ways to look after our psychological wellbeing by connecting with supportive people and engaging in meaningful activities. Take care.

I often come across books, affirmations and items that I like, or think add value to my life. I thought it might be fun to share these and perhaps others would like to join in. Sometimes clients will suggest a book, a movie and article and even their own inspirational thought. It is always refreshing to hear another's perspective on life and what brings happiness or a sense of achievement to the complex lives we lead.

Peak experiences are a well known in the psychology world as a vital part of our development. By definition, a peak experience is a moment accompanied by a euphoric mental state often achieved by self-actualizing individuals. The more you have, the more your own personal growth is enhanced. Any time you take delight in something new or look at something old in a new way, you are experiencing a peak experience. Pay attention to your world, it is full of amazing things.

This week I have been inspired by my Monday walk. I travel the streets and beaches with my good friend as we unravel life's mysteries and laugh at the absurdity of our lives and the things that happen around us. From friends to family, work and lifestyle, fresh air and some exercise is a perfect start to a hectic week. In this photo, my family pointed out that the shoe laces were not on trend, way too old school and thus I delighted in them!.

Take a walk, breathe out, let your mind drift a little. It's good for the soul.