These Self Care articles are written by a wonderful colleague of mine, who is a gifted therapist. They are on my clinic blog site at movingmindsets.com.au. Please enjoy her ideas and be kind to yourself.

LOOKING AFTER YOURSELF

By Jane Anastasios, Psychologist

Some conversations we have with people stick with us. Many years back, I was chatting with a colleague talking through my concerns about a close friend who was very unwell and had just been diagnosed with a terminal illness. I was wondering how I could be there for my friend and at the same time be attending to, let alone enjoying, the usual raft of things I had unwittingly managed to pile up on my plate (work, study, my new found love for yoga, social and family commitments). At the end of our conversation she very gently said "Take care, take very good care of yourself". I immediately felt cared for, understood, and I also knew what I needed to do - such simple and wise words.

Sometimes we really need to take extra care of ourselves to cope with what life throws our way. We need to look after ourselves and tend to our own needs, as we can quickly or ever so gradually end up exhausted, stressed out, overwhelmed, physically unwell, being grouchy with people, and not terribly happy, all stopping us from enjoying life and being available to those we care about. And when we are tracking pretty well in life and haven't had too much extra thrown our way, looking after ourselves can help us keep enjoying life, feel satisfied, be productive, and contribute in meaningful ways.

People often have pretty good ideas about what they need to do to take care of others or what others could do to look after themselves, and we even know what might be good for us. Yet we don't always heed our own advice and put these very things into place in our own lives, especially when we need to the most. The New Year and other pivotal times (e.g. having kids, facing a crisis, being seriously injured) in our lives often lead us to reflect and consider what else we could be doing towards leading more fulfilling lives and/or looking after ourselves a whole lot better. I am tipping that for those of you who made New Year's resolutions, that some aspects related to looking after yourself a little better probably made it onto your list (e.g.: exercising more, eating more healthily, learning a new skill, spending more time with friends and family, going out). This series of brief articles on SELF-CARE offer up some ideas, information and research findings to ponder, as you take stock and consider the ways that you look after yourself.

What is Self-Care

Helping people to take steps towards improving their general well-being is an area central to a psychologist's work. We work with people as they take stock of their lives and the situations they find themselves in and help them to find ways to take care of themselves whilst contending with and coping with difficult life situations and circumstances. Taking care of yourself or self-care might best be thought of as a set of strategies or practices that people can use and actions they take on a fairly regular basis to improve, maintain or enhance their general, physical, emotional and psychological wellbeing. Self-care is also an attitude toward yourself that you and your needs matter. It can help when dealing with stress and stop the cascade into burnout, with coping when struggling with anxiety and depression, and also contribute to and enhanced sense of wellbeing and life satisfaction

Why Self Care Matters

There is truckload of psychological research and related literature that focuses on understanding the links among people's wellbeing and life satisfaction and a number of practices and factors (physical, social, psychological and emotional) that can contribute to, enhance or hamper our wellbeing. This research and information has found some interesting links that are worth considering when thinking about the value of self-care:

Looking after our physical (e.g. exercising, sleeping well) and mental health (e.g. meditation), engaging in enjoyable and meaningful activities, contributing to society through work and other purposeful activities, and connecting with other people have been linked to an enhanced sense of wellbeing and life satisfaction. (Genetics, biology and some other social and psychological factors such as personality and life events also come into play).
Many of these factors/areas are inter-related and can influence one another -it seems that if we make some small shifts and improvements in one area it can have a flow on effect to the other areas of our life and therefore to our overall wellbeing. The flip side is also often the case - when we neglect too many of these areas in an ongoing way, we tend to fair worse physically and/or psychologically.
Active engagement in self- care practices have been found to be helpful for people who have experienced anxiety, stress, depression, chronic pain, and some other psychological and mental health difficulties
When we are faced with stressful life events and situations the ways we go about coping seems to matter to our physical and mental health
Looking after ourselves by actively attending to some or all of these areas of our lives does not guarantee our wellbeing, life satisfaction, or improved quality of life, nor does it protect us from experiencing difficult times and circumstances in our lives but when these things do happen, we may be just a little bit better equipped to cope and deal with adversity and stressful situations when they inevitably arise.

Research aside, working out why looking after yourself matters to you, seems important. How and in what ways might self-care enhance your life and wellbeing?

What else you might like to consider when thinking about about self-care:

It is possible to learn and put into practice a range of self-care strategies and make some lifestyle changes, that can contribute to our wellbeing. Some are hard yakka and take patience and persistence, others more simple and a little easier to add into our lives. Making lasting changes can take time and effort.
Sometimes it is not about adding more things into our lives, but might instead involve making small changes to what is already or has already worked well, or it might mean taking out some things that are not working so well for us.
Sometimes making sweeping or even small changes is not the way to go, as tempting as it can be. Taking time to pause and consider if now is the right time is important - in my mind this is self-care, listening carefully to your needs and acting upon them accordingly. It may be that you have other pressing things that need our attention and adding something extra into the mix just adds to the stress. You might be better off holding off for a short spell until things subside a little. If you are in doubt about this, talk it over with a professional.
If you are wanting to make some changes and find new or additional ways to take care of yourself, goal setting and planning can help. You may find it helpful to talk it over with your GP, a psychologist or other allied health care professional.
If you are already working with a psychologist or other mental healthcare professional, it would be worthwhile talking about self -care strategies and how they might be helpful to you.
This business of self-care and looking after yourself can all sound a bit on the serious side. Some of it is, and yet building in time, space and activities just for fun and pleasure is equally important. Leaving space for spontaneity or doing not much at all - allowing things to just unfold holds value too.
Self-care strategies whilst all share some core components will look very different for each of us, depending on who we are, what's going on in our lives, what life stage we are at, and what our needs, preferences, strengths and limitations are. Don't fall into the trap of thinking there is only one way or one set of strategies to use. The 'self' in self-care is important to keep in mind.
The 'self' in self -care, doesn't mean you are on your own in all of this. In fact, the research strongly suggests that connecting with others, having meaningful relationships and supportive people (friends, family, acquaintances, work colleagues, professionals) in our our lives is very important to our wellbeing. Spending time with people we like and asking for help from others when we need it are important self-care strategies.

Want to know some more about all of this research:

http://www.pursuit-of-happiness.org/science-of-happiness/

https://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au/clinical-resources/wellness/general-wellbeing

What's Next:

In the following couple of blog articles we'll take a look at some more specific strategies and techniques for you to consider. The focus is more on the practice or doing self-care. To simplify things I have clustered these into three core and inter- related areas and will tackle each one in turn.

Physical Self Care Practices: (eg. sleep, healthy eating, exercise, stress management and ways to calm the body and mind)
Psychological Self Care Practices: (e.g. self -compassion, self-awareness, and understanding our emotions - finding ways to respond rather than be reactive)
Social Self Care Practices: (e.g.: engaging with people, activities, and society in ways that are meaningful, bring fulfilment, a sense of accomplishment and/or enjoyment)

Until next time, take care.

Self-Compassion one way of looking after your emotional wellbeing

By Jane Anastasios, Psychologist

Oh my gorgeous lovely neighbour. She knocked on my door unannounced the other day only to be met with a somewhat frazzled, irritated and cursing version of me. Before she could even say hello, off I launched: " I can't believe it, I'm such an idiot, of all days, my @%beep## computer has finally decided to stop co-operating, the damn space bar is jammed and the 'a' key thinks it is an 's', it's my own stupid fault I still haven't gone to get it fixed after one of the kids spilt water on it before Christmas, [that's a whole other story], and as usual I've stupidly left things to the last minute. Of course I'm in the thick of writing a lecture that is proving to be bigger than Ben Hur. What was I thinking? I can't do this. I may have bitten off a little more than I can chew with this one. And I've got my parents coming over a bit later, the house is a mess as usual and I haven't got any afternoon tea to feed them...What was I thinking?". Having beaten myself up sufficiently and whipped myself into a right lather, I took a slight pause to draw breath …. "Oh, and how are you?" She delightfully and gently chuckled: "One of those days, huh. Glad to know you are human too. I just popped by to thank you. I finally decided to take up that redundancy package I talked to you about. Lucky for you, now that I have just a bit too much spare time on my hands, I have re-discovered my inner Nigella. I'm just returning the cake tin I borrowed from you". I looked at her somewhat vacantly at first, then at the cake tin she was offering up to me, the cake tin, that in the throes of my rant, I had failed to notice, and in it was the most beautifully iced chocolate cake I'd ever laid eyes on. My day was starting to look better already.

We have all had "one of those days", sometimes they extend into weeks, months and even years. It maybe the culmination of a series of seemingly minor stressful events (like computers that won't co-operate when you really need them to) or being faced with big decisions like my neighbour's redundancy and all that that entails, or sad news or awful circumstances and situations that you or someone you care deeply about has to endure (or possibly all of these things together). We all experience sadness, disappointment, relationship difficulties, illness, loss, frustration, anger, rejection, anxiety, fear, self-doubt, and guilt. These are inescapable parts of being human, even though we do our best to navigate, dodge, outstep and even go to great lengths at times to avoid or outright ignore them and the whole host of emotions we experience when they do happen. One of the other things about being human is our capacity to self-reflect and to attempt to make sense of what goes on for us and around us. This can be both a blessing (when we are able to do this in a calm and considered way) and a curse (when we are so derailed by overwhelming sadness or anger or worry that we just go over and over it in our heads, and none of our solutions seems ideal). Thankfully we can also be quite adaptable when we need to adjust to changes or cope with difficulties, even though this may take time and hard work and be met by resistance (mostly our own). In this article I would like to offer up a few ideas, research offerings, practices and strategies to consider as a way of taking care of yourself by acting more kindly towards yourself as you attend to your rich, sometimes complex and perplexing emotional world. In essence the ideas below could be summed up in one simple sentence: "BE KIND TO YOURSELF, YOU ARE ONLY HUMAN AFTERALL"

Self Compassion & Emotional Wellbeing

In recent years a whole new body of research has been emerging in the psychology field that focuses on the idea of self-compassion. The research is showing how when we are kind and gentle on ourselves rather than giving ourselves a hard time about our failings or trying to overly focus on changing (vs accepting) ourselves because of some perceived inadequacy or vulnerability, we seem to fair better psychologically. A lack of self-compassion can take its toll on our physical and mental wellbeing and performance at work, home and in relationships.

Self-compassion involves being kind to yourself or gentle on yourself when you have mucked up, made a mistake, not done as you had hoped, failed at something, or acted in a way that you were not so proud of. It is not self-pity or an opt out clause (which can also lead us to feel stuck) rather it is a particular way of viewing ourselves (warts and all) and the difficult circumstances we confront at times in a way that can help us to move through and navigate these difficulties. It encourages and allows us to accept responsibility for or own our actions and feelings, but doing so in a way that is non-blaming and non-punitive. We can often be compassionate and kind to friends and family, even strangers, but are less familiar and comfortable with being compassionate to ourselves. Next time you are going through a tough time or think you have mucked up in some way, try asking yourself what you might say to a good friend in similar circumstances, or what they might say to you.

Self-compassion also refers to recognizing and accepting those events or circumstances that are not of our making or not in our orbit of control that can make us feel vulnerable and have considerable impact on us and how we feel. The self-compassion researchers have found that being kind to ourselves by recognizing that we are human, that we all face adversity, and experience suffering (they call this common humanity), rather than berating ourselves or the world or pretending we are impervious to life, leads to improved psychological wellbeing by helping us to be more resilient and better able to cope with adversity.

Self-Compassion: Mindful Awareness & Emotional Awareness

Being more self-compassionate also involves an awareness of how we are feeling generally and in the moment. Paying attention to our moment to moment internal and external experiences without judgment using mindfulness and self-compassion builds our flexibility, adaptability and tolerance to the inevitable challenges of being a human and in relationship with others. It involves noticing and being aware of how we feel when we are either being overly-judgemental, critical and harsh about ourselves, our actions, our shortcomings, or when we attempt to avoid, repress or ignore our feelings.

Self- Compassion, Self-Talk and Emotional Wellbeing

Noticing the unkind and sometimes harsh and judgemental ways we talk to ourselves when things aren't going so well or we've mucked up in some way can be helpful. Speaking more kindly to ourselves, perhaps as we would to a friend dealing with similar struggles helps us to lighten up on ourselves, reducing our tendency for perfection and self-imposed high standards (eg."I should…, I must.."). We sometimes expect so much of ourselves and we can fall into the trap of beating ourselves up when we fall short of our unrealistic expectations. Giving ourselves a break and extending compassion allows us to acknowledge with kindness that we are frustrated, angry, worried and that we are human (rather than "a stupid idiot who can't do anything right"). The good news is that we can learn or re-learn ways to judge ourselves less harshly and change the way we talk to ourselves - we can challenge our thoughts and related self-talk. This can then in turn help us to find or navigate towards a different and hopefully more helpful solution to our situation or emotional response. A psychologist can help you with this skill.

Self-Compassion: Self- Soothing and Calming ourselves

When we are experiencing difficult or strong emotions it helps if we can find some caring ways to soothe ourselves. Being aware of a few things you can do to help you feel somewhat calmer in the moment when you are going through a difficult time or feeling strong emotions seems to help. The trick seems to be working out what helps you best. Sometimes it is about a brief distraction and taking a break or pause from it momentarily, or riding it out, other times it is about directly dealing with it, processing it. Here are some ideas that other people have used that you might find helpful:

Focus on your Breathing
Relaxation exercises
Meditate
Go for a walk or run
Have a bath or shower
Cry
Listen to some music
Talk with a supportive friend, family member, work colleague, neighbour, GP or other helping professional either about how you are feeling or just simply spending some time with them to enjoy their company
Drawing, colouring in
Writing or journalling
Knitting, sewing
Do some housework
Cooking
Read a book, Watch a movie or TV show, Listen to a podcast
Eat a piece of chocolate cake that your neighbour made for you (okay maybe it was 2 pieces. Maybe not the whole cake cos then you might feel bad about that too - who am I to judge; and yes I know I have just contradicted everything I said in the last article about how healthy eating patterns can help improve our psychological wellbeing - I am only human afterall)

Self Compassion, Self Understanding, and our Relationships with others.

Being kind to ourselves by comforting ourselves as we struggle with difficult experiences can also enhance our relationships by helping us to learn more about our needs and preferences and face our flaws and limitations. When we learn more about ourselves we are in a better position to find ways to help others we care about or interact with to understand us. When we understand ourselves in a compassionate way, it can also help us to feel a bit more willing to admit to and repair our mistakes - acknowledgement and warranted apologies can go a long way. We can learn to move towards understanding our emotional reactions, learn to take time to reflect, rather than just launch out and react or over-react in the moment, and we can learn to find ways to respond to interpersonal difficulties and tricky situations with others. We can learn to attend to and speak about our concerns, reactions, and needs in more thoughtful honest and direct ways with others, which seems a little easier when we are kind to ourselves and the other person in the process. A psychologist or relationship counsellor can help you sort and sift through some of this.

Want to know some more about Self Compassion:

Check out Kristin Neff's (an expert on self-compassion) website www.selfcompassion.org.

And, no my computer is still not fixed. Here's to being human, to chocolate cake, and to the good neighbours who bake these cakes - the subject of my next article. We will focus in on finding ways to look after our psychological wellbeing by connecting with supportive people and engaging in meaningful activities. Take care.

I often come across books, affirmations and items that I like, or think add value to my life. I thought it might be fun to share these and perhaps others would like to join in. Sometimes clients will suggest a book, a movie and article and even their own inspirational thought. It is always refreshing to hear another's perspective on life and what brings happiness or a sense of achievement to the complex lives we lead.

Peak experiences are a well known in the psychology world as a vital part of our development. By definition, a peak experience is a moment accompanied by a euphoric mental state often achieved by self-actualizing individuals. The more you have, the more your own personal growth is enhanced. Any time you take delight in something new or look at something old in a new way, you are experiencing a peak experience. Pay attention to your world, it is full of amazing things.

This week I have been inspired by my Monday walk. I travel the streets and beaches with my good friend as we unravel life's mysteries and laugh at the absurdity of our lives and the things that happen around us. From friends to family, work and lifestyle, fresh air and some exercise is a perfect start to a hectic week. In this photo, my family pointed out that the shoe laces were not on trend, way too old school and thus I delighted in them!.

Take a walk, breathe out, let your mind drift a little. It's good for the soul.

Text A goal without a plan is just a wish typed on retro typewriter

How to Identify goals

It is that time of year again! We set about making goals that we were unable to complete during the year. Or the year before. Or the year before that. Why is it so hard to achieve a goal we really want? What makes us go from high motivation to loss of absolute interest and then a sense of failure, (and if you are the type who insists on making a public announcement of your new year goal, some level of embarrassment when people realise you have not been able to stick to the plan).

It takes more than a alcohol infused inspirational dream. More than just desire and motivation. Goal achievement is a little more complicated than most of us realise. Otherwise we would all achieve our dreams very easily. Our goals are what keep us going and help define our purpose in life. Goals, when properly determined, are nothing else but what we are meant to do. It is where we hope to see ourselves years from now – the ultimate destination of hopes and dreams.

Over the next few weeks I will offer some tips to help you through the goal setting and achieving process. From identifying what your goal is to celebrating reaching it.

So let’s get started.

Do you know what your goals are?

Have you tried to find out and set them for yourself? If yes, what techniques have you used?

First and foremost is know what your goal is. Vague goals like, “I want to lose weight,” are too broad and full of escape routes out of success. In fact, they are a dream, a concept or a desire but not a goal. I want to lose 5 kilos in 5 months is a goal. Be specific. But before we can look at goal achievement, we need to know the goal really is and why. Here are some ways to begin to identify your own personal goal before you set out to make it happen.

VALUES- Connect the dots.

Know Your values: The important beliefs in your life.

Think about what is important to you.

What do you value?

What are your beliefs about the things that are important to you?

Make a list of the 10 most important values you can think of and then rank them from highest to lowest. Think about things like Love, Success, Friends, Power, knowledge, Freedom, Popularity, Responsibility, Honesty, Humour, Loyalty, Achievement, Beauty, Spirituality, Wisdom, Fairness, Creativity, Wealth, etc

Done? So now where does your goal fit in with your value set? Which value is it aligned with? If a goal can be identified with a value you hold, it is easier to connect with the aim of reaching the goal than if you have little idea about why you want to achieve the goal in the first place.

VISION BOARDS OR MIND MAPS

Sift Through Your Subconscious. Okay, sounds a little new age and unorthodox but to grasp what you subconsciously want, you can try this. Take a piece of paper and a pen, and write down about your vision of an ideal life. Jot down the important points and then study them carefully. The parts which you haven’t yet achieved are the ones that you desire, and these should form the foundation of the goal identification process. What you have left is a vision of what goals could bring you happiness. Get creative and make a visual representation of your goal.

A vision board or Mind Map is a tool used to help clarify, concentrate and maintain focus on a specific life goal. A vision board is any sort of board (be it in your kitchen at work or on your phone using a mind map app), on which you display images that represent whatever you want to be, do or have in your life. Try to think of times when you were at your happiest. What images come to mind that you can associate with the goal to make the process easier and more positive.

QUESTIONS- Four Future Facts you need to ask.

Ask the questions you need. A goal is a future task that we activate in the present, so acknowledge that you are working towards a goal somewhere down the track. It is not going to be instantaneous and, yes all you iGen, YGen and zGen people that means goals are not based on instant gratification.

Work For It. Nothing was ever gained without hard work. If you want something great, you need to toil for it and with goals, the best way to know that it’s the right fit, is to take chances. Stop worrying about consequences and take that leap! It is only when you have attempted several things will you develop an understanding of what works for you and what doesn’t.

Don’t be afraid of recognising you may lack insight. One of the biggest reasons why goals don’t work out for some people is the reason they were set in the first place. It is always about the end result and the ultimate ‘prize’ and never about the path to it. Yes, goals, by definition, are the result that you would expect from your efforts but if you don’t consider the journey that leads to it, you will never make it. For example, say you want to earn a fortune. It won’t happen by magic and there is a lot of hard work involved. Being lazy or unwilling to put in the hard yards, will not cut it and the goal will remain forever elusive. If you feel you don’t have enough real insight into your values, your goals and your endurance for reaching goals, seek advice and support rather than putting goals in the too hard basket.

Make sure when you are identifying your goal, you ask yourself the four future facts to make the future happen.

Where do you want to be in 1 year from now?
What do you need to do to make it happen?
Where do you want to be in 5 years from now?
What do you need to do to make it happen?

Don’t forget that all goals Are Subject to Change – It is not set in stone that when you have identified something as your goal, you’d have to stick to it despite evidence to the contrary. Don’t be stubborn about something and instead, always look for better avenues to your goals. Re-think everything and identify new goals flexibly. If you set a goal to lose weight in 5 months and don’t, well, redefine your goal with new expectations and knowledge about how hard or how long the goal is really going to take. Goals are things we have to manage around our lives, loves and work so cut yourself a little bit of slack if time is against you. Don’t see it as a sign your goal is unachievable.

Identify you can have more than one goal in life. There is no limitation when it comes to your goals. Yes, there are things to which you may be suited to more than others, but versatility is always a gift. Rather than identifying and sticking to one thing when you are multi-talented and can have many well-formed goals. Don’t focus on ‘One’ but rather open your eyes to the ‘Many.’

Goals are all about you and your self-expectations. As such, it is less about what’s going on around you and more about what’s happening in you. Your goals are an extension of your abilities and they should never be anything less. Smaller goals will be a wasted potential and excessive projections will result in failure. Always go for what you are confident about and what makes you happy as with positive effort and thinking comes the strength of accomplishment.

Extra reading and References http://jackcanfield.com/blog/finding-life-purpose/

https://www.fastcompany.com/3029765/how-to-set-goals-for-the-life-you-actually-want

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/shannon-kaiser/3-unexpected-ways-to-find_b_5176511.html

Goal setting is a thoughtful and challenging process and the journey to success can be long and difficult. Attainment through trial and error, personal deliberations and a whole lot of hard work deserves recognition. Even if only by yourself.

This is the fun part of setting goals. It is time to celebrate that you did it this time. You followed the strategies;

You identified goals that aligned with your values and the important areas of your life.
You used tools such as Vision boards and active questions to focus your goals and get a future image of what to expect.
You applied the SMART goal strategies to keep you realistic and the goal manageable and attainable.
You set time lines that you could reach and asked yourself clear questions about these strategies.
You defined the goals in terms of effort or achievement that helped you mentally prepare for what you needed to do.
Most importantly you recognised old habits that could have derailed your goals and sought help from colleagues, friends, family and professionals to stop you self-sabotaging your efforts.

So how do you celebrate reaching a goal?

Take a moment to process your success. No matter how small or big your goal was it is a statement of your ability to master the new, to take on change and win and to grow as a human being. Well done. A personal pat on the back from yourself is very acceptable in this moment.
Let others know. You can be happy and humble at the same time. Tell those who will appreciate your success and avoid the mistake of telling people who will not be encouraged by, inspired by and joyous by your success.
Take a well-earned break from goal setting, even if it is for only one day. This is important if your own goal has stages to it. Take time out to enjoy reaching each of the goal. Then get back in to focus tomorrow.
Reflect on your vision board and journal on how you did it. Make notes on the tricks and strategies that helped you through. Take notes on the habits that delayed or helped you procrastinate along the road. These will come in very handy next time.
Put up a little ‘good on you’ sign somewhere that you can see daily, just to keep that positive energy alive for a while. It is good for the brain to see visual reinforces of doing well, even after the event (think trophies for the mind).
Sleep. Kick back and reward yourself with a healthy treat. A bit of self-love won’t go astray.
Don’t forget to thank all those who helped you on your way, kept you focused and on task while you battled life to get to your goal.
Give yourself time and take it all in – the success, the sense of accomplishment. Once you are settled, recognize yourself for having mastered something novel. You were able to adapt to a change and grow from it, so remember that self-appreciation is the first celebration.
If you have a team, then you can do the following to celebrate a collective success:
Recognise them publicly. Give away thoughtful gifts. If possible, give them an extra day off. Plan a team outing for drinks and food

Last of all share how you did it with others that are struggling to achieve their goals. We are all part of a bigger picture and what goes around comes around. Helping others to achieve the success you managed is a great gift to pass forward in to the world.

And just to keep you motivated here are some inspirational quotes to get you geared up for you next goal.

COACHING - business concept
So you have identified what your goal is, how it relates to your values and created a vision board or mind map to stay focused and creative with reaching your goal. Those four future fact questions have been pondered over, you now have a clearer background to why the goal is really important to you and how it relates to your overall life and happiness.

Good job!

So, I hear you say, that’s fine and well but how do you actually start the process of goal achievement? What was I doing before that didn’t work and what do I need to do now so I am successful? Achieving your goals isn’t child’s play. We are all aware of the routine — setting up lofty goals and then pushing hard to achieve them while breaking free of that comfort zone. But that journey isn’t smooth. We can end up getting distracted, fed up. We can feel overwhelmed and frustrated when things start going downhill. Eventually, it ends with us reverting to the old ways. Sounds familiar, right?

We all struggle at some point in our life. On the other side of the struggle or perhaps better said, at the end of that struggle is success. In life, there are aims and goals that we set and eventually end up achieving. However, it’s important to make sure nothing deters you from achieving these goals. With a relentless drive, accompanied by a determined spirit, you can overcome anything that stands in your way.

So, what’s the difference between goals we eventually achieve and goals that we give up on? How can we set goals to achieve them more effectively? To answer these questions, let’s dissect the mechanics of setting goals a bit more, and review some strategies that will help you accomplish them.

The first rule of success is planning. The second rule is planning the third rule…. You get the picture. Know where you are, what you are doing and what you need to do next to get that goal completed.

Plan

It’s simple, you cannot achieve your goals without a proper plan in place. You need to be aware of the direction you are travelling in. But that doesn’t mean you need to be aware of every single step along the way.

Let’s consider an example here. An airplane has the specific goal of taking off and landing in a specified destination at a specified time. To achieve its goal, the plane requires a plan- a flight plan. However, one must remember that a flight plan is susceptible to change. There might be various mitigating factors behind, like turbulence, air traffic congestion etc. Similarly, to achieve your goals you need to have your own specific set of plans. Create your plan, stick to it, and adjust accordingly along the way. You don’t need to change the goal, just adjust the plans that will get you closer to them.

Invoking Discipline

You cannot achieve any goals without proper discipline and balance. Even if you set your goals correctly, without discipline you just make the task so much more difficult. To achieve your goal, you will need to create the right atmosphere by starting habits in your life that generate discipline. You will need order in your life. Whenever things go downhill, it will become hard to stay focused on your goals. However, if you learn the art of discipline you will be able to stay calm and focused even during hardships. This is easier said than done, though. Often, your goal might get outpaced by your obligations. Have no discipline? Get yourself a personal development coach to keep you on task, focused and disciplined. Know your strengths and weaknesses. Seek support in areas you have determined will sabotage your success.

Reduce Distractions

Human beings are easily distracted. There are numerous things in life to pull us in multiple directions, away from our goals. We veer from course, moving from one tangent to another. So, it is important you reduce the distractions in your life and remain focused.

Analyse and search the origins of distractions in your life, and take healthy steps to eliminate them (maybe once and for all?). This may include excessive use of electronic gadgets, socialising, watching television etc. By getting rid of such distractions, you can gain so much more free time to pursue your goals rather than wasting time on things that don’t serve any meaningful purpose in your life. Distractions are time snatches, stealing hours and minutes away from your schedule. Wasting your free time. So, it’s time you take some responsibility and eliminate them.

Developing milestones

Milestones are helpful markers you create while striving towards achieving your goals. The basic step you can take here is to take your long-term goal for a specific period, say one year, and break it into little milestones. Create your own weekly or monthly milestones to stay on course. If your goal is measurable, creating your milestones should not be a problem.

For example: if your goal is to lose 10 kilos in one year, you can break that up into 1.2 kilos a month.

Milestones are more manageable and can help you visualise and achieve short-term results, eventually leading you towards the long-term outcomes. Long-term-goals might often become an overwhelming factor and are connected to individual levels of personal endurance and ambition. If long term goals are where you trip up, short-term goals are more manageable and finite, as you can approach them on a day-to-day basis.

Time management

It’s the most vital strategy that you should be implementing while striving towards your goals. Perceive a good time management system and execute it. It will not only help you to avoid distractions but also utilise your resources to their maximum effort. Time is the greatest equaliser across our world. So, start asking yourself these simple questions.

How do you spend your time? Do you use it in the right way? Do you ensure that you are allocating sufficient time towards achieving your goals? Do you utilise it properly, or do you squander it away? If you are open and honest while answering these questions you can figure out a system suitable enough to manage your precious time. If not, again seek professional help. We are not all born with superhuman time management abilities. If it isn’t your super power than go and seek a professional who can help keep you on time and develop your skills in time management.

And of course the tried and true acronym for goal setting and achieving is the SMART goal strategy. SMART GOALS means, ensure your goals are:

Specific | Manageable | Attainable | Realistic | Timely.

Let’s break it down to a usable format.

Specific

clearly define or identify what is the goal you wish to achieve.

Manageable

Your goal must be able to be controlled or dealt with without difficulty. If it is too complicated or out of your control, it won’t be reached.

Attainable

It must be attainable. For example, if you wish to lose 10 kilos in 2018 your goal should be 1 kilo a month. That is attainable.

Realistic

Don’t get silly with your goals. Have a sensible and practical idea of what can be achieved or expected.

Timely

Watch out for this. It is very easy to create a goal that doesn’t fit in with your life, your job or your relationships. Set your goals to a favourable or useful timeframe to increase your success.

Try this exercise.

What is the specific goal? Write a SMART goal based on where you want to be in the future (use your Four Future Facts to guide you)
How and why is it manageable?
Why is this goal attainable for you?
Why do you believe it’s realistic?
What is the realistic time frame for you to reach this goal?

Goals about effort vs Goals about achievement

Lastly work out whether your goal is about effort or achievement.

Goals about effort- Define if you goal is about effort in other words physical or mental activity needed to achieve something.
Goals about achievement- Is your goal focused on something done successfully with skill, status or courage?

Knowing what your goal will need and its orientation will help you prepare and plan better. A goal like weight loss or a healthier lifestyle, is a goal about effort. It requires physical changes and increased mental activity to be successful. A goal about work is more about achievement. It requires new skills, changes in status or income or upgrading old skills. It requires courage and skill to stay the course and take chances.

Now you have the strategies to really get started. Sit down and plan what your goal needs, what it will require from you and others, where your stumbling blocks may be (and seek professional support if required).

Good planning!

As Winston Churchill wisely said, “Success is not final, failure is not fatal, it is the courage to continue that counts”

Refence Links:

https://www.entrepreneur.com/article/284783

http://smallbusiness.chron.com/5-strategies-achieve-goals-13561.html

Bored or incompetent businesswoman playing with a pencil in a desktop at officeoals are what keep us going and help us take that next step into the future. We see, we judge, we measure and finally devote our time and resources to certain places we want to reach in our lifetime. In the middle of all this, has it ever felt like you aren’t able to reach your full potential? Do you feel like there is some sort of an invisible force that’s pulling you back from the things you could achieve?

The interesting thing is that this “unseen power” isn’t something out of this world or fate, as some would call it, but rather limitations constructed within your own mind that you need to break free of!

How do you do that? Well, the first thing to do is to identify these disadvantages.

Do you daydream at work? Do you prefer to be a couch potato and binge watch your favorite TV show over some quality running time? Do you commit yourself to something and then repeatedly doubt your actions and decision? Does procrastination take up more of your hours than actually getting something done? Are you so overcautious about everything you do that you end up doing nothing?

Remember, to win the battle between self-sabotage and your goals, you need to know what’s going on first.

As Sun Tzu said, “If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles.”

By this stage you might have identified your goal and its value to your overall happiness. You may have applied the strategies and planning suggested and yet, you hit the brick wall of self-sabotaging.

This part of successful goal setting is probably the hardest and where most people fall apart and become unsuccessful in their endeavors. It is the part of goal achievement that often requires external support like having a personal development coach. You may need more insight and support to overcome old habits that have sabotaged your goals success in the past.

Let’s look at the pitfalls and problems that turn high motivation and goal setting into apathy and failure.

Overcoming Procrastination

Procrastination is the prevention to accomplishment – The problem with many people is that they see a deadline that is some time away and wait until the last minute to do it. The more time you spend in thinking that you will do it, is more time you are wasting. Do your work today and open the door to goal success faster.

Procrastination is the silent assassin. If you are serious about achieving your goals, it’s important that you don’t let procrastination overcome you. It’s easy to fall into old familiar patterns of putting things off for later, but don’t let that become your future. If you have entrenched patterns of procrastinating, then something deeper is going on. Your reluctance to start is, perhaps connected to fears of failure or of success. Seek help and support to investigate why starting is your biggest hurdle if these tips don’t help you begin.

Your aim should be to get off the path of procrastination and get over the bridge of beginning. You need to start taking back control of your life. If you already tend to procrastinate, then you should start implementing strategies to counter it.

Remember this is about success, not an opportunity to put yourself down.

What will you do to make sure you reach the goal? Focus on what you can do rather than what you can’t to get towards the goal you want?
Have a think who can help you with your goal and why they are a good resource for you? Family, work colleagues, boss, personal coach?
Who will hold you accountable to reaching your goal? Sometimes left to our own devices we can make excuses and become distracted. It helps to have others on your team. Professional or social. Link in to your supports or organisation that have the same goal as you are trying to achieve. A development coach can be an inspiration to monitor and motivate you to keep going and stay on track.
Get proactive and positive. List 3 things that will help you reach this goal. Keep adding to this list as you go. Put them on your Vision board or in your Mind Map.
Keep a journal of your progress or have a second VISION BOARD to track your achievements as you near your goal.

Anticipating failure

Alexandra Pope wrote, “To err is human, to forgive divine definition.” If we forgive others for their failures and mistakes we should remember to forgive ourselves. Failure and success are two sides of the same coin. We learn just as much when attempting a goal and failing as we do succeeding. Start with the radical acceptance that the goal may not be reached this time, in this way, but perseverance, adaptability and flexibility will get you success in the end.

In fact, the most common aspect of failure is that we often fail to anticipate it. Because of this sometimes, when and if it eventually arrives, it becomes tougher to deal with. If you can start anticipating your failure, you can adjust your plans accordingly and cope with it in an efficient, healthy and productive way. If you don’t like the word failure, swap it for learning. Look around you, the most successful people in the world have failed many times.

How did they succeed? They anticipated their failures and converted them into stepping stones towards progress. You shouldn’t allow failure to dampen your spirits, rather motivate yourself to learn from it and work harder towards achieving your goals.

Stay focused and try to develop motivational strategies that will help you overcome foreseeable obstacles to reach your goal. The unforeseeable ones, well, we all just must manage those with rationality, flexibility and adaptability when they arrive. The most important thing to remember is 3 magic words, “never give up”. If you are determined and persistent, you will achieve your goals.

It’s crucial to remember that, while some of these strategies may seem straightforward and simple, they will require some concentrated effort. Stay cheerful, stay inspired. Don’t let criticism peg you down. Your goals might overwhelm you a bit, but should always excite you a lot more.

Let us go through some of the most evident self-sabotaging disasters:

Don’t beat yourself up over something – Mistakes are a human eventuality. Nobody is perfect and there will always be something that will not go the way we planned. Be mindful of your self-talk when things don’t go as planned or as easily as you would’ve liked. Are you someone who will encourage yourself to press on, or the one who will indulge in negative self-diminishing chatter? The latter does nothing except make us subconsciously believe that we are not up to the task and our best efforts never amount to anything. Instead, tell yourself that it’s a learning process and that good things come to those who wait, learn and persevere.

Beware of a monotonous existence – When you set a goal that will extend over a long period of time, you can become complacent and unmotivated. If your goal is to become a millionaire and you own a bakery, you need to expand your business. This is a long-term goal, requiring risk, adaptability and action. It may take many years to achieve your goal plan (set up a chain under your brand name). Ambition can take time and monotony can be a dampener on ambition. Use your journals, support team, vision boards to snap you out of a monotonous mind. If you restrict yourself within a one-dimensional action plan, your chances of real success can be hindered. If your life drifts from one same day to the next, get your goal on and do something about it.

Drawing useless attention to yourself – If you can’t reach that milestone that you had on your list of resolutions, don’t create a fuss over it. Gossip doesn’t serve any purpose towards the betterment of your circumstance except creating a lot of noise. Remember, people who talk about their shortcomings achieve nothing but informing others of their weaknesses. Negative gossip is simply unnecessary drama and a distraction from dealing with the achievement of your goal.

Suppressing your emotions won’t help – If you have strong feelings about something, acknowledge the emotions. This doesn’t mean that you should go to the middle of a road and shout your heart out. Take some time off for yourself, think deeply about the things that have affected you over the past few days or weeks. Download and debrief. Acknowledge your achievements and accept things for as they are. This is a great way to feel free and clear-headed about what you need to do.

Remember that everyone has unique gifts – Comparison is pointless when reaching your own goals. Others will achieve in their own way and in their own time. They are not you, so stop looking over your shoulder at what everyone is doing. Don’t be swayed with what you see others are doing but concentrate on what you can do. You are a unique individual and there is no other on this planet like you, so focus on your own plan, strategy, steps and success.

Make it a habit to follow through – Keep your promises and don’t back out when someone has already invested time and money or both in you. If you don’t want to be confined by people’s judgments or by your own lack of initiative, then do not make commitments you can’t keep. Get things done no matter what or have a genuine reason for any delay. Demonstrate integrity and honesty to yourself and those who are helping you towards success.

Perfection is a myth – There is no ‘perfect’ way of doing things and perfect leads to a boring and uninteresting life. Life is a rollercoaster so strap on and enjoy the ride, the ups and downs are what gives life adrenaline. Effort is what pushes you ahead and towards your goals. Not the need to do everything perfect.

Now that we have a pretty clear idea of what self-sabotaging is all about, it is time to look at the solutions.

Procrastinating? Try setting a timer and dedicate 15/20 minutes of your time on doing something that you have been putting off for a while. Start small, and when those 15 minutes are over, you will keep going. As they say, an object in motion tends to stay in motion.

Find your barriers. Locate and give time to finding out potential barriers. These can be work, relationships, social media, money, access or emotional and psychological barriers. List what might prevent you from reaching your goal? Money? Resources. Self-belief? Then seek support to overcome these barriers.

Define habits. List 2 or 3 habits that prevent you from reaching your goal (things you know you do or have done in the past to lose focus on reaching your goal). Examples are people, places, jobs, thinking patterns.

Rate how well you think your habits are in areas of

staying motivated,
being mindful of and avoiding procrastination
Keeping your focus and managing life’s distractions
Doing the hard work (do you tend to give in or do you have endurance?)
Believing in what you want and knowing you can be decisive.
Persistence and endurance in spite of life’s obstacles.
Adaptation and flexibility with change. Because after all, goals are about change.

SMART your sabotage. Use the SMART goal strategy to stop one of these bad habits. Be compassionate and positive about yourself when you do this. Just as you can use this strategy to start a goal so can it be applied to getting rid of bad habits, because that in itself is a goal!

Identification –Identify certain “trigger actions” that precipitate self-sabotaging actions. Once you know these, you can take care not to repeat them next time around.

Recognise and monitor the pattern – Don’t pretend you don’t have maladaptive behaviors that sabotage your success. Monitor yourself, be aware and tell your goal team what to look out for. Keep away from falling into such ‘traps’ in the future and be mindful of how you go about your plans.

Decide upon and practice a different pattern – Once you have found out the pattern that had prevented you succeeding in the past work on forming new habits. Make plans and determine what the best success practices are and keep implementing them until they become habits.

Learn from your experience – Experience is the key to finding your way through the maze of bad habits. When you fail at something, the positive bit is that now you know what not to do. Don’t sabotage yourself twice!

Ask for advice – There is no shame in being assisted by others, especially those who have a better grasp of something than you. When you get some genuinely effective pointers at what you are supposed to do from reputable individuals, it increases your chances of success. Your goals are more within your grasp when you reach out and get help.

Preplan for contingencies – The best way to tackle uncertainty is to plan ahead. Anticipate the hurdles and always keep contingencies in place to effectively deal with an unwanted development.

Don’t be afraid of risks – Risks are what differentiates between the successful and the mundane. To reach your goals, you need to stand out with your actions and that requires risk-taking. Don’t be afraid and push through with educated risks. You are doing something that hasn’t been tried before, making your efforts a novelty.

The road to your goals is full of hurdles and difficulties. It would probably help not to add to the burden with self-sabotage. Before you set off, find out every angle to the scenario, the things you should and shouldn’t do, so that come what may, you don’t stand in your own way. Pave your own way and do it with smart decisions and goal-oriented actions with the above techniques in mind!

References

http://www.tonyrobbinsfirewalk.com/self-sabotage/

http://abundantlifepractice.com/recognize-self-sabotage/

Time for change, concept of new, life changing and improvementOkay so you heard them say it. You watched the new personnel arrive and the renovations are in full swing. So why do you feel so anxious? Why does change in our work environment make us so nervous?

The workplace environment is a home away from home. We build relationships, spend the majority of our week there and have built routines and patterns that ensure we are effective, safe and comfortable in our work places and with the people we work with.

So then our employers decide they need to change everything. Our first reaction is powerlessness. This change is being forced upon us. We become defensive, fearful and resistant to the new ideas delivered to us. (Every heard yourself say, “there was nothing wrong with the way it was,” or “does that mean it’s out with the old and in with the new?” or “ am I going to lose my job?”). Our reactions are an undercurrent of our need for routine and stability. It is a natural, yet unnecessary, expenditure of emotional energy.

Part of our reaction to change is in our individual personality. Characteristics we are born with associated with a sense of autonomy, understanding, individualisation and self-reliance are linked to our ability to cope with change. Other factors like flexibility, adaptability, intellectual curiosity and understanding play a major part in accepting and managing change. In other words some of us are wired to cope with change. We take change on board like we breathe. Excited, energised and anticipatory of something novel arriving. It stimulates the brain, motivates and taps into the strengths of our personality structure.

For the rest of us we have to work harder at helping our brains adapt and accept the novel and unknown. We need to coax our anxiety out of the shadows where it is ruminating about the hundreds of unwanted possibility the change will trigger. New job roles, new skills, new staff, new policies and even new workplace environments. Too many new’s. And with that the fear. Can I cope? Will I learn the new tasks? Will I get on with the new staff? Will I fit in the new image?

Happiness has many components and a large piece of the How to Be Happy Pie is in our ability to accept change, be flexible and adaptable.If we start to block change, stamp our feet and refuse to move with it we lose the moment to grow, challenge ourselves on a personal development level and participate in the new. Our negativity can become a contagion amongst our colleagues. Staff rooms become spaces to complain and moan instead of encourage and excite. No matter how much shifts and moves around us we are responsible for our own happiness and the way we accept the inevitable. Change will happen with or without us.

Change is the only constant in our lives. We change from child to adult, from single to coupled, from parent to grandparent, employed to retired so many changes we naturally accept and often strive for. The workplace environment is merely an extension of that. It cannot remain static. It needs to grow, upgrade, expand, shift with economic and structural needs, move with new staff, ideas and knowledge. If it doesn’t the workplace will eventually fold. We want change. We need change. We should seek it and celebrate when ti arrives because it gives each of us a chance to grow. Some will change their work role, some will decide to leave. Neither choice is wrong it is only different. Each step forward is movement towards learning something more about yourself, how you cope and how you need to grow more personally and professionally.

When change knocks on your workplace door, try opening it and inviting it in. It is so much more fun and enjoyable than slamming it shut.

Here are a summary of tips that can help you.

#1: Remind yourself that change does happen personally and professionally.

Expect things will be different at some point in the workplace and it will reduce your shock and anxiety.

#2: Take note when change is starting to happen.

Pay attention in meetings. Ask questions. Participate in the future of the organisation you work in. Be alert and open to the small signals that trigger your intuition that something is happen. Growth and profit in the business is a good sign something is going to change.

#3: Recognise your state of mind.

You may move through denial, shock, anger and finally acceptance. Seek help through your workplace support if you are getting stuck in any stage.

#4: Positive Communication

Start a conversation. The more you know the less anxiety. Even if you are anxious or worried about the answers the brain likes to know what is happening so it can problem solve. Keeping it in the dark feeds that anxiety. Watch the negative language. If you phrase everything negatively your brain is hearing it and your emotions will align with what you say. You need details and timelines so you can determine how change will directly and indirectly affect you, your work related relationships and your job role. Talk to people who know what is happening rather than collegues who may be mixing rumours with facts.

#5: Do a self assessment.

Check in on your own response. How are you going? Do you usually struggle with new and novel things? Are you taking the change personally or professionally. How is you mood state? How are others affecting you? Seek professional help if you are not coping. Check if your organisation have an Employment Assistance Program

#6: Be flexible and adapt.

Your chances of successfully moving forward in the changes is based on how quickly you can begin to adapt and be flexible. Use old skills in anew way. Everything you have learnt in the workplace can be adapted, used, expanded upon and reworked to fit with the new direction or changes in job criteria that may be coming your way. Find the similarities and start there.

#7: Focus on the day to day tasks you need to complete.

We can mistakenly act as if we don’t need to work hard during change. Insecurity and anxiety can affect our work and we can start to behave as if the work we are doing will become meaningless as soon as the new roles or positions come in to play. Don’t forget you are still a paid employee. This is not a time to slack off. Show your employer and team around you that you are professional in spite of uncertainty.

#8: Watch your attitude.

Look for every and any opportunities that change can provide. Be involved, participate and project an image of positivity. The workplace is not the environment to doom and gloom but a good workplace will provide time and outlets to talk through your insecurities and concerns in a professional and confidential manner. Make a commitment and get those around you to do the same, to be positive. Make a game of turning each negative into positive. Negativity can spread amongst work colleagues like a virus.Try and stay away from rumours and gossip.

#10: Less detail more the big picture

We can all get caught up in details that we don’t need to worry about. When change is forced upon us we need to stand back and big picture what is really happening. Project yourself into the near future, when the renovations are finished and you have a new beautiful workplace to come to every day, when the new boss has settled in and the changes have improved the workplace and created new opportunities, where the new staff end up being great to work with and help you become more professional and skilled in your job. Change can be frightening and disruptive. Cultivate the right attitude, pay attention to what you need to know and avoid getting caught up with gossip. Take the opportunity to push and challenge yourself professionally and personally.

Adapted from The 10 Rules of Change by Stan Goldberg

Realise Behavior is complex . Break down the behavior. Separate your desired behaviour into smaller, self-contained tasks that can reduce che huge idea of change into progressive monets leading to change. s.

Change Is Frightening. We resist change, but fear of the unknown can result in clinging to status quo behaviors—no matter how bad they are. Examine the consequences. Compare all the outcomes good and bad and chose the behaviours that will bring the most positive outcome for you. The more positive you are and act the less anxiety you will experience.

Be realistic. Unrealistic goals increase fear. Fear increases the probability of failure.No change occurs overnight so don’t assume you will comfortable straight away. Give your self time and compassion to adjust and accept the new reality.

Change Must Be Positive:

Enjoy the parts of change you can. You might not like all of the new and innovative ideas coming your way so focus on the ones you are looking forward to implementing or experiencing.

Strategy: Simplify the process, prepare for problems and stay calm..

Let’s be real. Nothing goes smoothly in life. Change in the workplace is going to be just as turbulent, difficult at times and frustrating as change can be in our personal lives. Simplify the problem (one at a time) and prepare for the trigger points or hurdles you can foresee. Now is not the time to panic. “Life is like a stirred-up lake: Allow it to calm and the mud will settle, clearing the water." The same is true for change.

15 ways to improve your well-being.

Here we are again. So much to do and so little time. The holiday season isn’t called the silly season for no reason. Somehow we start to panic and try to finish all those half accomplished jobs, shop for everyone we have ever known, feel compelled to over spend, over eat and over drink. We organise to meet up with all our family and friends, turn up to every Xmas function, design menus and decorate our homes and it all has to be done before the 25^th of December. Stress levels rise, anxiety kicks in, we become tired and emotionally fraught as we try to squeeze in a years’ worth of celebrations in a few weeks. So here are a few ideas that the team at Moving Mindsets came up with that have helped others calm down and focus on having a healthy mind over the holiday season. Why not try a few? Better still try and think up some of your own?

1. An act of Kindness.

Do something for others. Sometime this week find the time to do an act of kindness for someone else. It could be to bake a treat for a neighbour, give someone a compliment or help a stranger in a simple way. Making others happy is a great stress relief.

2. Decorate.

Put up some decorations or a couple of pretty trinkets. Make some decorations, buy them or reuse old ones, any way you can, decorate your house to show a festive spirit. Even if you are on your own take the time to adorn your space with a few things of beauty or character that has some meaning for you. Not everyone can share this time with others, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t celebrate this time of year for yourself.

Heart and Head.

Use both your head (intelligence) and your heart (emotions) to make a decision that will provide a balanced or positive outcome. Sometimes we let our hearts rule our heads but in times of stress, relying on our head to make choices can reduce the chaos of Christmas time.

Mini Mind Declutter.

Practise cleaning out your thoughts by focusing on things that are important and discarding old, useless lingering thoughts that have taken up space in your mind all year. Let go of irritating frustrations, niggling grudges and old worries. Time to clean house mentally.

A New Habit.

We are very good at holding on to old, bad habits. How about starting a new one that enhances your life? Starting the day with a quiet moment of reflection or meditation? Go for a walk. Start to drink green tea. Increase your water intake. Whatever small habit you can introduce into your day will make a difference at the end of the week.

Don’t forget to laugh.

Find some time to watch something funny. A favourite sitcom, you tube blogs or a movie. Anything that tickles your fancy and stretches your mouth upwards. Let yourself laugh until you cry happy tears. It’s good for the soul.

Mini-Connections.

Feeling lonely? We need human interactions. Try to have an adventure by striking up little incidental, conversations with people you bump into during the week. Shop keepers, bus drivers, people waiting for trains, standing in a queue, anyone that crosses your path. All these interactions can create an opportunity for connecting with someone. These are moments where you can practise being friendly, open and warm with others and in this way feel less isolated and alone.

8. Breathe.

Re-oxygenate your body by breathing to reduce stress and anxiety. Place one hand on your chest and the other on your abdomen. Notice how your upper chest and abdomen are moving while you breathe. Concentrate on your breath and try to gently breathe in and out through the nose. There is normal breathing, exercise breathing and anxiety breathing. Check which one you are exercising.

Self Soothe.

Rub oil into your hands and feet. Moisturise to soften and nourish your skin and massage those tired and weary muscles. Take long, warm baths or showers and put your feet up. Send the message to yourself that you’re worth taking care of.

Shut down social media.

Seriously, turn it off for a while. Stop filling your head with idle chatter and gossip and focus on something real. Like the people around you, the tasks you need to finish and the self-care and reflection you should be doing to reduce your stress.

Cloud watch and be still.

Slow the world down and spend some time sitting or lying down and watching clouds float by, bump into each other and melt together. And don’t just watch the summer clouds. Look at the storm clouds as they can be just as fascinating and beautiful if you are looking at them in the right mindset.

Best friend yourself.

Treat yourself as you would your best friend. Be kind and compassionate. Forgive yourself for lapse in judgment and when you make a mistake. Look at yourself in the mirror with love and humour. None of us are perfect.

Treat yourself to something interesting to read. It can be a book, a magazine or newspaper but try to find something you normally wouldn’t purchase. Expand your knowledge and interests.

Ask a mate or friend for lunch and find a new place to go. Enjoy experiencing new food and good company as you balance your hectic life.

Donate to Charity.

Find a few items of value that you really don’t need and don’t use and donate them to charity. You could buy a small gift and give it to those who are struggling. How about donating the money you would spend on gifts to a charity one year. Or set a low limit on what you will spend on gifts or celebrating and donate the excess you would usually spend to an organisation in need. Giving is a sure fire way to feel good and have a reality check about what is real and important in our lives.

Most of all try to find the moments in your day to enjoy, laugh, relax and celebrate. After all isn’t this really what we are trying to achieve during the festive season?