"Self-awareness is a conscious knowing that cannot be quick fixed into sound bite learning."

At what point do we think we get it? The moment of enlightenment about who we are? The point that our understanding of how we are seen is crafted by truth and reality. At what point are we truly aware? Well, it seems that point is at best elusive and at worse a myth we tell ourselves that we have achieved.

Research conducted by Eurich Group examined what self-awareness really was, why we need it, and how we can increase it. The results may shock and surprise many in the coaching, self-help and therapeutic business. It appears only 10 to 15% of us are actually self aware. And that's not a lot of us.

If you are asking yourself, why is this interesting, just check out these statistics for life coaches ( Life Coaching ) .

  • 71,000 life coaches based in 161 countries worldwide
  • In 2018 there were 53,300 coaches
  • Life coaching is the second fastest growing industry in the US
  • The estimated global revenue from coaching in 2019 was $2.849 billion
  • The coaching industry has a $1 billion value in the US
  • A search for 'coaches' on LinkedIn brought in over 6.28 million results in 2020

This means a generous 56, 800 of these life coaches are not as aware and insightful as their clients may rightly or wrongfully believe them to be. Or if we look at it another way, these coaches believe themselves to be very self-aware when in fact they may not be. I know, awkward. If this is true then how skilled is this profession to enhance, dig deep and bring true awareness to their clients? How biased and judgy is the coaching advice, opinions and support given. As clients of coaches, what are the expectations on the coach's level of insight and awareness. What if they have effective internal awareness and poor external awareness. Or the other way round? How does that alter the exchange of mentoring and guidance?

How can one of the fastest growing industries be unaware how unaware they might be? What is the impact of this and as a generally unregulated industry, what is the criteria required to ensure those that coach, are not simply skilled at being and teaching introspective? Does it matter?

Identity Mind Traps make us unaware.

The study found that there are two distinct types of awareness- internal and external and that we flux between these levels of awareness. More than this, the study indicated 'that experience and power can hinder self-awareness, and that introspection doesn't always make you more self-aware." It appears the higher we climb on that ladder, the less our self and other awareness grows. Maybe we are looking inwards in the wrong way or for the wrong reasons?

How about with our leaders and CEO or C-suites? What if they are led to believe that introspection equals awareness and act accordingly. Misguidedly believing they have true insight, when in reality they have only scratched the surface of becoming aware.

The idea of an "identity mindtrap" ( Aware Leaders ) is something we can all fall into. The more we thrive the less we dive into our awareness. In the article on identity mindtraps and leaders, lack of real awareness can 'blind us to valuable personal-growth opportunities and how a more expansive view, grounded in the principles of adult development, can help us recognize our potential and improve the odds of seizing it. The results not only are personally beneficial-helping us lead with more ease and empathy and improving our ability to deal with complexity-but can also help our teams and organizations thrive in an uncertain, rapidly changing world."

Identity mind traps are the outcome of getting stuck in personal or professional development. The most common response to having any coaching or therapy is to build a new, stronger, happier identity. And then we feel safe. We like this version. It works for us. Others like it. We don't want to let it go.

We are naive to think even the most insightful of us is unaware of the impulsivity to protect our identity. Who hasn't found themselves "instinctively arguing that we are right, holding onto simple stories where we feature as heroes and others as villains, tribal-or polarizing-behaviour, and inflating our sense of personal agency while deflecting responsibility?"

Being aware is the ability to be in the moment and owning that moment, in all its discomfort.
Awareness is a conscious mindset, a state of emerging knowing that reads you, your actions and motivations. It is a deep self-analysis of the 'what and why' of each interaction and reaction between the interconnectedness we all experience with others. It is both jury and judge for all we believe.

Your public and private face (Internal and external awareness).

The Eurich research described internal self-awareness, as 'how clearly we see our own values, passions, aspirations, fit with our environment, reactions (including thoughts, feelings, behaviours, strengths, and weaknesses), and impact on others.'

They discovered that our level of internal self-awareness impacts on our happiness (jobs, relationship satisfaction, personal and social control). Low internal awareness is connected to unhappiness (anxiety, stress, and depression).

The more aware we are, on why we react, what we think, our emotional range and understand ourselves, the better we become on realising the impact we have on others. For many, coaching can bring some insight and skills to develop internal awareness. In fact, this is the area that coaching thrives in. The 'tell me more about myself' style of self-development.

There is another level of awareness that is far more difficult to master and that is external self-awareness. Our ability and capacity to correctly grasp how other people view us, including how they think, feel, react towards us. How they view us, and our strengths and weaknesses is a whole other ball game. External awareness can heighten a sense of true empathy, empower interconnectedness and communication, and allow us to see clearly from another perspective. We are seen as trustworthy, relatable, and confident, which in turn builds our own esteem and self-trust.

Let's think on this some more. How many people get coached and still feel discontent, keep searching and returning to find out more? Why doesn't it sustain our happy feeders? Maybe the longing for true contentment requires finding the gap in our awareness.

As the team at McKinsey Report note ( Aware Leaders ) identity mindtraps happen "instinctively, hidden from our awareness." Our self-misguidedness is a constant driver behind the scenes, navigating our way through unsafe emotional landscapes. "We might think we're "doing what it takes" or we're "standing up for ourselves" or any other self-justification technique we might choose to explain our behaviour as we subconsciously seek to manage the impressions that others have of us." It is here we discover our lack of authentic external awareness.

Mental traps of the unaware

The Eurich study called the different combinations of internal and external awareness introspectors, seekers, pleasers and aware. Indicators of the level of actual self-awareness across both divides. It is the gaps in our self-development, the levels across these divides, that creates the imbalances and shifts the focus and intent of what we do, despite our best intentions. Common examples are;

  • When we believe we have deep insight and yet remain unaware how we dismiss others' emotions.
  • When we have a personal breakthrough and believes that skills us to help everyone.
  • When we have a story to tell to inspire and cannot see the ego that drives the need to share.
  • When we want to connect yet feel superior.
  • When we cannot recognise, we get critical when challenged.
  • When we think we delivered a great performance and ignore the vibe in the room.
  • When we ignore the data that tells us very few of us are aware.
  • When we assume how others feel about us, without questioning the assumption.
  • When we judge other's reactions to us.

These examples come from well-respected and introspective professionals who have a blind spot. A gap they fail to see. An imbalance between their internal and external awareness. It is subtle and small and is orchestrated by very human needs to be liked, respected and valued.

So, what are we doing wrong here? Exactly what is missing in the self-development arena that our growth of awareness of who we are and how we are seen by others is such a rare gem to find.

Perhaps the answer is making self-development too palatable. In talking to colleagues recently something was said that got me thinking. We were describing the Aware Group's mindset coaching tools, (to professionals that have done a fair amount of self-development and a would hazard a guess, believed they were self-aware). The tools have some theoretic information (the why), assessments and tasks (the how) and reflection journals and mindset meditations (the what) to build and challenge your internal and external awareness levels for growth.

The response we got was that having to learn the skill and be responsible for that learning was too hard. 'Isn't there a quicker or easier way to do it?"

And there we have it.

We want or have come to believe that developing a deeper consciousness should be easy. If not, well let's just stick with being introspective and carry on with our hidden biases. A higher level of knowing about ourselves and how we connect to others, the capacity to see how others really see us, comes with a level of complexity that many may give up on, or lose interest in discovering.

Mental traps of the unaware

At the Aware Group we have focused on eight internal and external levels of awareness, requiring shifts at a cognitive, emotional, spiritual, work and social level. It requires depth in resilience, openness, control and self-reliance. Self-awareness is a conscious knowing that cannot be quick fixed into sound bite learning. Awareness is for the coaches that seek their own growth to enlighten their authenticity and challenge them out of the identity mind trap they might be resting in. Self-awareness is for the highly self-motivated that get excited by the discovery of self and are fearless to be challenged to find that moment of aware.

For me, I am enjoying discovering where my gaps are and doing the grit work to find my blind spots. My aim? Maybe one day I will find myself in that top 10 to 15% of truly self-aware people. And then ask myself what am I next?
The future self is for the fearless of getting aware.

Sarah Godfrey is a psychologist and mindset coach, director and business owner, board co-chair and co-founder of Aware.

Words, like other things, can become trends and resilience, is a big buzz word. But what does it mean, and can we build resilience? Are we born with resilience or is it something we learn by watching others?

The McKinsey Report defines resilience as the ‘ability of a business to withstand, adapt, and thrive in the face of shocks that are internal and external, as well as known and unanticipated.’

We are much like a business in that our own internal resilience is the capacity we have to adapt, flex and grow from the unexpected shocks of life-from personal to environmental challenges. Our resilience is only as strong as our mental platform and the emotional scaffolding we build each time we withstand what life throws at us.

Doing The Dusty

To borrow from Brene Brown who talks about being a gladiator in life, resilience is how we cope getting in that arena, knowing we may get hurt and fail, and dusting ourselves off to try again, forge a path forward. Part of learning how to be resilient means being prepared to be courageous and brave through the toughest of times.

Doing the dusty means dusting off the doubt, fear and frustration that comes from life’s shocks and challenges. Dusty minds are slow to respond to the unexpected and sluggish to recover. Shake off the events and get back up, mentally, to try again. And again, and again. If that is what it takes.

The Choice is Yours

Resilience is not only about taking a deep mental breath and trying again, but also the choices we make in the moment. Our decision-making skills determine our response sets to life events. In every moment we can make a choice. We can allow ourselves to be buried under the weight of misfortune or events out of our control. Or we can choose to look beyond the negative impact and focus on the outcomes we have in our control. Every decision leads us in one direction or another. That is the superpower we can use. The choice to take the next step, the next thought the next action. That is what you have control over, right now.

If it is not the greatest choice, then we have the ability to make another decision to change the direction we are going in. When all around us seems in chaos, we mustn’t forget that our next move is up to us. And that move can change everything.

Traffic Light Wellbeing

Being a resilient person indicates you engage in some form of self-care and reflection. How else can you learn to grow from adversity?

One tip for developing your resilience is to have an awareness of your own strength (emotional or otherwise), and when it is dipping a bit. Using a traffic light warning system to measure the wellbeing of those around you as well as your own wellness, is a quick and easy tool to use.

For your team members, you can grade them on their capacity to manage internal and external things going on in their life or at work.

Equally, you can use this system to read how you are travelling emotionally.

RED: They/I am overwhelmed and need support.

  • What can I do to help them/myself?
  • What supports can I set in motion?
  • What parts of their/my workload can I delegate to others?
  • Have I checked in on them/myself today?
  • What else can I, the team or the organisation do to support?

ORANGE: They/I have some stress but are/am not overwhelmed yet.

  • I need to continue to observe and check in on their/my wellbeing.
  • I need to prepare for supports or changes to help them/me should things escalate.
  • I should set in motion low key actions to provide preventative support.

GREEN. Good to go.

  • I/They are doing well and do not need additional support at this time.
  • Encourage and reward them/myself for maintaining wellbeing and resilience.
  • Identify them/myself as possible short-term mentors for others.

Tips for Building Resilience

Collect data- What is going on around, right now, that is affecting my wellbeing?

Correct thinking- Shift from fear to future.

Power Surge- Start to make choices that can move you forward, change the situation or stabilise things.

Do the dusty- fall, fail and get back up. Dust off the negative feelings and attachments and focus on what you can learn instead.

Be responsive- react with a considered and realistic mindset.

Groove Crew-Connect with your resilient teams, personally and professionally.

Build your mental platform- How have I coped in the past? What did I do? What worked?

Click here to listen to this episode and more.

Click Here

Nigel Sutton was a special guest on our Podcast The Business Hangover with Nicky and Sarah. His raw and inspiring story on how he managed his cancer diagnosis and the growth he discovered throughout the process is only touched on in the conversation below.

What we loved hearing was how he reframed his experience and the powerful message he shared.

Listen to the podcast to hear more.

nigel 2

Long before I was diagnosed with cancer I had listened to stories from friends and family about battling and fighting cancer. I was never comfortable with the idea that someone was battling cancer, particularly if it was announced they had lost the battle. I understand why we use these terms, for many they are terms of empowerment, to rally up the strength to journey through cancer treatments.

A cancer diagnosis turns your world upside down. Every cancer journey is unique, and I support the whatever it takes attitude, do what works for you. When it happened to me, I became curious. I had friends with chronic health issues. I wanted to know their take on fighting and battling illness. The consensus, it’s about managing your illness.

prostate-cancer-doctor

Could I manage my cancer? Yes, I could. I would let my extraordinary team of specialist do any fighting on my behalf; they have an arsenal of weaponry to go into battle. I would concentrate on healing rather than fighting.

I was determined to manage my cancer with a deep sense of kindness. I thought about how I managed my business, how my mentor and friend Sarah Godfrey had introduced me the importance of having a kick ass tribe. I knew it was going to be the same for managing my cancer. There wasn’t going to be just one person to support me I was going to need different things from different people. I was blessed with a truly kick ass tribe that included clients who adapted to my needs.

Some Tips.

  • Make sure you have enough insurance in your super to cover permanent disability and terminal illness.

    I know no one wants to think about this and it always happens to someone else, but keeping your fingers crossed behind your back is not a business plan. It’s a small amount of money and a big impact if you have the right insurance.

  • Contingency Plan or who can run my business for me?

    We think we’re irreplaceable when we are our business. But we must give some thought to the idea of having someone else run our business temporarily. Who in your tribe can do that? Have you set up a simple handover system that someone else can follow if needed?

  • Keep working during cancer treatment if you want to.

    In fact, keep doing what you were doing before your diagnosis if possible. Work gives you purpose and keeps your mind active. Only keep working if your job brings you joy. If working is all worry and stress, call your tribe to help take the pressure off and take a break.

  • Keep moving, exercise is highly recommended for most cancer patients.

    Exercise, exercise, oh did I mention exercise. Keep moving, keep living.

  • Ask for help!

    Get a psychologist, the earlier you share the impact of this enormous change with a professional listener the better you and your business will be.

  • Finally, talk with other business owners who have had or are having the same experience.

    Manage your cancer like you do your business, with the intention to grow and have a great future.

  • I am not in a war.

  • I do not go into battle every day.

  • I manage my cancer as a part of my life.

    I give myself time to heal and time to manage a business that brings me and my tribe, or as Nicky Mackie would say my Groove Crew, a great sense purpose.

For more tips and help in managing your business while being treated for cancer please click on the link below.

Managing your business

Resolving the false imposter in you.

Decades ago, I sat around a large table in a hospital, as a shiny new psychologist. Around me sat paediatricians, neuropsychologist, psychiatrists, general practitioners, and a team of allied health professionals. My client was a young male with multiple mental health challenges. I can remember clearly looking around and wondering what on earth I was doing at the table. Everyone invited to the case meeting had years of experience over me. I worried what level of contribution I could actually make, and worse, my budding professional experience was going to be exposed and I would be humiliated. I was positive I was punching well above my weight.

Why is it when we finally get the job, success or career move so wanted, we can become riddled with self-doubt? What makes us feel like an imposter, regardless of the skills and experience we bring to any role in our lives? How often have we all waited for someone to realise that we've fluked our way into the success we've arrived at?

It was first noticed in 1970's by psychologists Suzanne Imes, PhD, and Pauline Rose Clance, PhD, who identified a strange phenomenon amongst high achievers. They appeared unable to internalize and accept their success.

'They often attribute their accomplishments to luck rather than to ability, and fear that others will eventually unmask them as a fraud.'

At this time, it was predominately women struggling to claim their success.

'In spite of consistent objective data to the contrary, they attributed their successes to serendipity, luck, contacts, timing, perseverance, charm, or even the ability to appear more capable than they felt themselves to be.'

Suzanne Imes proposed a contributing factor was when 'families placed a big emphasis on achievement' or bounced between 'over-praise and criticism.' False Imposter Of course add on to a background of unstable ego building, social, cultural and academic pressure and it is no wonder we struggle to feel worthy of success at times.

Not so much a syndrome as a phenomenon.

Well, here's the good news. Feeling like an imposter is not actually a syndrome. A syndrome is generally related to a small cohort of people while perceptions of being a false imposter is felt on mass. It is called pluralistic ignorance, which means we all think we are the only ones plagued with self-doubt waiting to be exposed. The reality is we all will experience moments, if not days, of worrying we are not good enough. In fact, around 70% of people feel ill-equipped to fill their own shoes in the job they have. Irrelevant of the logical argument that the promotion, or application you were successful at getting, indicates you are more than adequate to do the job.

The downside of not openly talking about our crippling self-doubt is that we limit our potential by leaving the belief unchallenged. This self-sabotaging behaviour helps no-one and can feed into the misconstrued belief that we are not good enough.

Don't be too humble.

For some we display exaggerated humility which research believes is a protective impulse: ‘the need for an exit strategy’ Feeling Like a Fake. In this sense the minimalising of achievement and being too humble (‘aw shucks it was nothing, no it’s not that great, I could have done more,’) creates a plausible way out if you were to be suddenly discovered as a failure. The issue here is we all will fail at some time, at something and acting with an exit strategy mindset becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

When you emerge as an excessively humble CEO, to manage feeling like an imposter, not only is it inauthentic but a reliance on outsourcing and advisors to avoid failure, becomes a compensatory mechanism rather than an effective tool. And this behaviour undermines the best way to overcome feeling like an imposter.

Our tips to shake that fake feeling are:
  1. Self-evaluate. You are the best person to evaluate your capabilities, value added skills and performance.
  2. Get a team. Have a kick ass group of mentors and coaches to keep your view in perspective (listen to our Episode 2).
  3. Don't compare. You are unique. You are where you are, in the job you are in, because of your difference. No one wants a team of robots who all think the same. Not in the future workplaces anyway.
  4. Put your hand up to train others. It is a great way to realise what you know and what you contribute. We learn more from supervising and coaching others about what we know and have learnt, than at any other time.
  5. You do you. Acknowledge what you do really well and what are areas of improvement, so you have a balanced approach to your skill base.
  6. Accept you will fail. And say the wrong thing, be challenged and have opinions dismissed. Learn from these moments rather than be offended or see them as criticism.
  7. Reframe, rethink and rewire. Invite challenges that push you, challenge your fear of failure, small steps at first until you realise you are as equal.

Or you can try what I did, as I watched the highly experienced consultants talk on my client's presentation in that hospital meeting. I took a deep breath and backed myself. I talked honestly about my perspective and what I believed would be the best path forward. I relied on the knowledge and experience I did have and stayed in my lane. I won't say it was a comfortable couple of hours, but I walked away, feeling better than when I went in. Sometimes that is a win.

Follow us at The Business Hangover with Nicky and Sarah on Spotify and all popular podcast sites.

Sleeping on the job. Is it a good thing?

Who would have thought that sleeping on the job would become a reality? How do you feel about placing sleeping pods in the workplace, so that your employees can take a rest? A nanna nap. A couple of Zd’s between tasks? It’s novel and happening.

What we do know is that lack of sleep affects our judgment and decision-making capabilities. The longer we are sleep deprived, the worse we become at clarity of thought. And here’s the thing. We are not just talking about overworking, type A’s or unreasonable deadlines that keep us up at night. What about the worriers, the over thinkers and ruminators?

Most of us have had one of those nights. You know, can’t sleep because a job, a task, a deadline is looming, and we have got ourselves in a state. We wake up groggy, tired and grouchy and pack that fatigue up and take it to work. Would the opportunity to take a nap be beneficial?

It brings up, for us at least at TBH, more questions than answers. How do small businesses manage this? Those organisations that have few employees. What work time is lost? What does small delays cost the business? Is it a lunch time thing? Could it replace the coffee break? Who monitors the usage? Who is more likely to use it? Experience would tell that high achievers and performers are less likely to choose to sleep on the job, despite the fact it could be helpful for their wellbeing and output.

Individuals more susceptible to stress are more likely to engage in a sleep break. And that brings us to the concept of how far do workplaces go to get the optimum from their people? Where is the line between personal responsibility for wellbeing and performance on the job and the organisational responsibility to provide healthy and supportive workplace environments? How do you monitor the use or misuse of these innovative ideas? Are we travelling down a slippery slope of morphing workplaces into pseudo psych clinics?

On one hand when we take a job we agree, in exchange for payment, to present ready and capable to complete the job requirements. On the other hand, businesses have a clear responsibility to ensure that while you are at work, you have a safe and productive environment to help you perform your tasks. The bigger question is where, in this exchange, is the tipping point? How do we not encourage mental health dependency and still promote self-motivated and owned resilience?

With the COVID-19 impact more issues are entering the workplaces, that are related, but not exclusively to our jobs. These include;

  • Increased social anxiety.

  • Problems adjusting to returning to work.

  • Hypersensitivity to performance.

  • Lower resilience and coping in conflict.

  • Higher emotional distress readjusting to in person pressure and communication.

  • Increased personal issues (separation, domestic violence, economic, isolation, substance abuse, depression and triggered traumatic memories).

  • Increased anticipatory anxiety (what next?).

  • (COVID emotional tsunami after the global shock).

The question is can workplaces and business owners really manage such an increase of personal mental health issues. Should they be expected to know what to do? If not, what are the alternatives?

Perhaps we need to use language in a more constructive way so our intent at work and in business is clearer. Our investment should be on building resilience, coping capacity and self determination and responsibility. Mental health is a complex issue that workplaces, management and team leaders are not, and should not be expected to, be across at the level we are increasingly expecting them to be. Could we stop overusing the words ‘mental health’ to such a point that everything becomes an ‘illness’ of one sort or another. Many of our reactions, interactions and emotions (including the negative ones) are a very normal, if not uncomfortable, human experience. If all stress requires intervention, if tiredness shifts to a workplace responsibility are we starting to pathologies rather then build resilience. Caring is very different to enabling.

The question we pondered is, instead of creating sleep pods, for example, could we be better at empowering our people to manage, seek assistance and care for their wellbeing. Could resources be directed to expanded EAP programs so they are educational and inspirational resources for employees to look after their wellbeing better? Not just options for when our employee’s mental health is in crisis. Do we need Employer Resilience Programs instead, that all our teams engage in? Individually tailored programs that place the responsibility back on the person to care and look after themselves, to be healthy and ready for their jobs and to know the external supports and options available to help them.

There is a shadow line between providing support in the workplace and enabling dependency on others to resolve personal mental and physical health issues. Support is focused on helping to help ourselves. If workplaces continue to provide mental health answers to personal issues unrelated to the job and the work environment, are we creating a bigger problem than we are trying to resolve?

Much like the helicopter parenting syndrome that has created a level of mental health learned helplessness in children, business environments must focus on strengthening, growing and supporting our teams to be their optimum self and avoid taking ownership of mental health beyond the primary responsibility of healthy, safe and functional cultures.

Some tips to ponder.

  • Demonstrate compassion and enforce expectations and rules for the workplace.

  • Normalise common human experiences and emotions (not everything is pathological).

  • Build resilience to coping rather treatment focused options.

  • Mental health issues do not excuse unacceptable behaviour (gives context).

  • Be mindful of the difference between support and enabling.

  • Seek professional advice if unsure how to manage issues.

  • The goal is to build individual resilience and personal responsibility for self-care.

  • Workplaces are part of the wider community, link to resources that can help.

  • Don’t let dysfunctional conduct continue unattended, support getting help.

  • Wellness and wellbeing are different to managing mental health and un-wellness.

Kick ass tribes and groove crews.

If you ask anyone who has done the long haul to success what got them over the line and sealed their career, they will tell you the people around them. Friends and family that chipped in to help and were a constant cheer squad. Your network that guided and held you steady. And more often than not, the mentors or coaches (MC’s) that supported you, challenged you and gave that mental slap down when you needed it.

Mentors are more than hand holders through the tough times. They see the ride ahead and get it will be tough. They understand you’ll want to give up and stop at some stage. They know you’ll ask yourself if it is all really worth it. So, why don’t we ensure a mentor or coach is part of our groove crew. The group that builds a mental trampoline under you, for those career ups and down.

MC’s- The why and why not’s

For some it is a cost thing. Investment over tangible benefits can be a hurdle to grasp and conquer. This is because a lot of the work done by MC’s is quiet and non-transactional. It is in the building of confidence, sharing of knowledge and shaping of professional resilience. Skills that are hard to measure and are formatted over time.

For others it’s in the trust and value they place on guidance and experience. We can all be a bit of a knowledge guts at times, assuming we have the answers, or our situation is unique. Many may have trusted others in the past only to be blindsided professionally or financially.

Of course, another reason for the reluctance to embrace MC’s is in the fear of challenge, failure or success. Being held accountable means there is no-where to hide. All the dodging, avoidance, excuses and procrastination is held under a spotlight. You might just be faced with your own blocks, inadequacies, gaps and emotional levers. Uncomfortable, sure, but necessary to push through to the success you dream about.

Finally, the eggs in one basket syndrome. No one MC can provide all the learning, support and skill development over your professional career. This can lead you to feeling let down or frustrated. After all, MC’s are not magicians, friends or family. They are just highly skilled people with specialised knowledge.

Who do you need in the Kick Ass tribe?

For some it is a cost thing. Investment over tangible benefits can be a hurdle to grasp and conquer. This is because a lot of the work done by MC’s is quiet and non-transactional. It is in the building of confidence, sharing of knowledge and shaping of professional resilience. Skills that are hard to measure and are formatted over time.

For others it’s in the trust and value they place on guidance and experience. We can all be a bit of a knowledge guts at times, assuming we have the answers, or our situation is unique. Many may have trusted others in the past only to be blindsided professionally or financially.

Of course, another reason for the reluctance to embrace MC’s is in the fear of challenge, failure or success. Being held accountable means there is no-where to hide. All the dodging, avoidance, excuses and procrastination is held under a spotlight. You might just be faced with your own blocks, inadequacies, gaps and emotional levers. Uncomfortable, sure, but necessary to push through to the success you dream about.

Finally, the eggs in one basket syndrome. No one MC can provide all the learning, support and skill development over your professional career. This can lead you to feeling let down or frustrated. After all, MC’s are not magicians, friends or family. They are just highly skilled people with specialised knowledge.

  • The Downloader (who you dump and share all the stuff going on in your life).

  • The Mentor (the one who has walked in those shoes before you tried them on).

  • The Balancer ( a rational and reasonable voice to hold you true north).

  • The Challenger (that person that can challenge you fearlessly and call your shit out).

  • The Cheersquader (celebrates all victories and pumps you ready to go again in your failures).

  • The Connector (reaches out to connect and network you with those who can teach, coach and help you succeed).

With this blend of support, as well as family and friends, we would have to say we are bloody lucky to have our tribes –the kick ass crew who helps us be better than we were yesterday

Our advice to all is find your tribe, make it huge and know your challenge to target who helps with what.

Don’t forget to listen to our podcasts and share the love.

Available on Anchor, Pocketcasts and Spotify

The Extra Sip

Episode 1.

The feedback from our podcast asked us to delve a little deeper into the concepts we talked about. Never shy of a challenge we said, why not? The Extra Sip is a blog to explore the ideas and feedback from our podcast series and to continue to share the world of business, our views and experiences with you.

In the business world we call an unpredictable or unforeseen event, usually something that comes with an extreme consequence, a Black Swan event. It is a unique set of circumstances that we were unable to gauge and as such, the strategic plans to manage the outcomes, are unsuitable at best and disastrous at worst.

If nothing else the recent pandemic highlighted a level of complacency and misguided belief that we actually control our environment and our business futures. The disruption to supply chains, productivity models, workforce support and IT capabilities were quickly shown to be inadequate and slow to manoeuvre or respond to the chaos of a crisis.

Our risk management plans had not dived deep into the unexpected risks that a world that runs on its own framework could have on the delivery of outputs and commerce. We failed to truly encapsulate the mental health impact on our workforce created by Black Swan events, or the understanding of the time frame of chaos on our personal and professional lives, individually, within communities and globally.

Model Risk Management teams (MRM) or as we call them Black Swan Management teams (BSM) have a big job ahead of them now. CEO’s and Directors must be mindful of how they situate the importance of a well-funded group of creative and outlier thinking individuals within the business models moving forward. The benefits are to discover the unpredictable opportunities and theoretically road test the possible outcomes.

A fast moving business landscape.

What has been highlighted is the large number of organisations needing to structure their business with the backbone of a creative culture that drives strategic planning and operational structuring for the future. How we think, act and brainstorm in business is on an equal footing with the importance of our procedures, processes, and production goals. Reliance on historical data to predict future trends and deliverables is nonsensical in times of crisis. Business loose the ability to stay ahead of the curve, as catching up is now near impossible. Our business landscape is shifting too fast and the variables are adding up daily- from service delivery and production to workforce accountability and support.

Value-added person-centred approaches or Humanistic Leadership can lead us through the discord and turbulence of crisis in business. A fully functional and funded BSM team have the capacity to become the business expert advisors, capable of offering sound judgment built on the creative and innovative brainstorming that is their role within the business. Although not fool proof, it is a proactive way to engage in the unpredictable world and forecast possibility and purpose moving forward.

Four factors of Black Swan purpose.

Some research is demonstrating that four factors are integral to the BSM goals.

  1. Being able for an organisation to make a decision with speed and high levels of efficiency, is more valuable to recovery and adaptation.
  2. Preparing a BSM contingence plan with a governance strategy that includes workplace reform, alternative supply chain resources and transient employee roles.
  3. Embracing, utilising and pushing technology to flex with change is imperative to success.
  4. The business and CEO value set that looks beyond profit margins and revenue streams and considers social wellbeing, emotional workplace support services and other non-technical outcomes of the crisis.

Thawing your Frozen Middle.

So, who should be part of your BSM team?

Look into the middle section of your business structure. Draw from this ‘frozen middle’ of talent the individuals that, perhaps your HR assessment screening ruled out. What a business ‘Frozen Middle’ brings to the BSM is:

  • A focus on dynamics ahead of mechanics.

  • Skills generated from ideas and creativity stimulation as this is what thaws the ice to make connection to the bigger organisational picture.

  • Flexibility depending on what is needed- a job role, organisational level discovery driven or simply an attitude invested in the cultural objectives. It gives you your own gig based economy within your four walls.

The Black Swan must-haves.

In your BSM the team you might be looking for;

  • The Devil’s advocate who argues the opposite.

  • The Day Dreamer who sees problems from creative viewpoints, no matter the actual possibility.

  • The Emotional Architect who watches the social impact of every action and reaction.

  • The Catastrophiser who dooms and glooms all possible outcomes.

These outliers are the thinkers who can design the impossible and build a framework to hold your business together and have fast acting pace for any crisis that hits.

Of course, to do this we must re-think the importance of failure as a cultural positive within operational structures. A Failure Fund, crisis tool kit, what ever you want to call it, funds the BSM. It let’s us explore, create, innovate and design the survival mechanisms and the organisations non negotiable control points. It enables technology, that emotionally and operationally drives a business through the crisis and out the other side. What it can offer a business strategy is:

  • The backing to the “Vision” statement that we try to learn and culturally embed the backbone to our vision- it’s about acting in alignment with a BSM belief, not just stating the rules.

  • An opportunity to look at a world with no boundaries.

So, what happens when you bring the concept of a failure fund to an organisation? What are the separate roles fearful about? Well, we found out. In an actual coaching session with a large organisation this is what each manager identified as the blocks to integrating the concept.

Future flux

Real Reactions to Failure Funding.

The CFO – “How much will it cost?”

The Entrepreneur – “Amazing, this is brilliant. How soon can we get started?”

The Product Development Team– “Awesome, but don’t go crazy we still need to satisfy some criteria!”

The Line Manager– “How much is to much and how do I keep it under control and not stifle creativity?”

The Compliance Department– “What critical control points do I need to make it work but not get it caught up in a process?”

Changing operational dynamic’s will always bring a level of trepidation and uncertainty. If we incorporate engaging the frozen middle of our business models, embed the Black Swan Model of Management into the strategic planning and embrace a failure fund culture, then change becomes the new normal, adaptation the new skill and humanistic leadership the style of management and ownership for the future.

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Mind and Body Emotional Links

Sarah Godfrey 2021

Ever wondered what a heat scan would show about how we experience emotions? We have a universal image of anger being hot and depression being cold, yet how close to these assumptions are we really? The mind-body experience has intrinsic associations to how we relate feelings to physical parts of our body.

Researchers have investigated how this link between emotions and bodily states is also reflected in the way we speak of emotions, ‘a young bride getting married next week may suddenly have “cold feet,” severely disappointed lovers may be “heartbroken,” and our favourite song may send “a shiver down our spine.” Bodily maps of Emotions

Physical reactions to how we feel are triggered by our autonomic nervous systems (visceral motor system), which engages our body ready for a perceived change in environments, threat or event. Yet, how come different emotions create different physical experiences at different physical locations?

The ability to express and recognise feelings is a vital part of our human experience and skill to communicate. While previously the belief was we had six primary emotional states, current research, now believes our feelings extend to over 27 different emotional states (Emoji fans take heart)

These are: admiration, adoration, aesthetic appreciation, amusement, anger, anxiety, awe, awkwardness, boredom, calmness, confusion, craving, disgust, empathic pain, entrancement, excitement, fear, horror, interest, joy, nostalgia, relief, romance, sadness, satisfaction, sexual desire and surprise.

Broadening our knowledge on our emotional range helps define mood states, however new research has taken that awareness a step further. The team from Aalto University in Finland ( Emotions and Body Sensations ) has produced some fascinating research on how our bodies literally experience a range of emotions. They looked beyond the traditional top six and incorporated more from the 27 identified states we experience.

Using a topographical self -report measure, the research showed that even the most common emotional experiences produced strong sensations physically. Not only that, but each emotion had its own unique signature, and these signatures were the same across all cultures, unifying our emotional connectivity.

We may wonder the use of such research, however understanding how emotions effect our body can help in the development of diagnostic and treatment options. It allows us a greater understanding of the psychosomatic responses and the physical impact of negative or positive emotional feelings on our well-being.

What is interesting is the warm sensations such as happiness, pride and love are also connected to anger, fear and disgust. Cool sensations such as depression and neutral have no warm signatures at all. Anxiety, contempt, shame, envy, sadness and surprise show a mixed physical response.

From a psychological perspective this reflects the reporting of many individuals where mixed emotions are described. A person may feel excited and yet anxious. We may feel happy and yet sad about an event at the same time. When surprised we feel a mix of joy and fear. When shamed we may feel sad and disgusted. The combination of strong emotional responses, allows us to physically identify the complexity individuals feel, allowing better strategies to be developed to reduce these internal conflicts.

While the Aalto research continues to demonstrate how physically we feel and how our feelings directly affect our physicality, this isn’t the first foray into exploring the mind-body emotional link.

The emotional impact on the structure of tears reshaped how we understood (at a micro-level) emotional influences on our biology. Rose-Lynn Fisher’s 2010 project Topography of Tears was a fascinating view into the microscopic world of dried emotional tears. Her work, using her own tears, showed us the intrinsic beauty that each emotional experience had at the micro-level. Each feeling produced strikingly different patterns, landscapes of emotion locked in the tears’ structure (pictured is Compassion).

In 2015 photographer Maurice Mikkers explored how tears are divided into three different categories based on their origin: emotional, basal, and reflex, interested in causation as a point of difference. In his project the Imaginarium of tears which is an active collection of tears linked to personal stories, Mikkers found that tears continued to have unique dimensions, although he was unsure whether the process or the emotion was the origin of the exceptional patterns he found (seen below sadness though challenge and sadness through dying).

Mikkers explained, “It’s hard to say if the physiology described in science is actually seen when a tear is crystallizing under a microscope, or if the emotional waves and state of the person is influencing the way the tear is shaping when crystallizing.”

Our emotions signal many things about ourselves, our memories and our environments. As research continues to explore the impact and connectivity between our mind and body, our ability to self-soothe and self-discover, find better treatments and supports and understand the complexity of mixed emotional states grows. As T.K Coleman said, ‘ Our feelings are not there to be cast out or conquered. They’re there to be engaged and expressed with imagination and intelligence.’

 

 

 

Sarah Godfrey, Jan 2021

So, what now?

It seems as I look out my window at a misty Melbourne morning that even summer feels uncertain and the hot weather waiting is apprehensive and unsure it should go-ahead. Much as we all are, as we leave 2020 and look towards 2021.

What next? Many things seem unpredictable, unstable and unforeseeable. Heraclitus, a Greek philosopher, once said, “Life is Flux,” or the more modern interpretation, “Change is the only constant.” Whether it is the unexpected ups and downs of our everyday lives or the normal chaos of the human experience, what 2020 taught us is discord is the new black and we need to be ready.

Finding stability in unstable times is no small ask. The belief we have some real control over our lives has been fractured, if not shattered in the last year. Our utter humanness has exposed our incredible vulnerability and resilience, as individuals, in our workplaces and beyond. Despite this it is in our nature to need some form of equilibrium or understanding in order to function.

Purpose values can provide us with a link to building stronger resilience with which to grow and recover. As Shaefer & Co noted in their research, during times of crisis, ‘individual purpose can be a guidepost that helps people face up to uncertainties and navigate them better, and thus mitigate the damaging effects of long-term stress. People who have a strong sense of purpose tend to be more resilient and exhibit better recovery from negative events.’ (Purpose in Life).

Our resolve and intention to set a goal, move forward, cope or to process the meaning of events, creates a form of certainty in otherwise uncertain times. In my book Life Works When, Purpose is one of the five pieces of the puzzle to find Happiness. The unhappy Mo realizes he had been ‘drifting without purpose for too long [and] had not built resources or direction to help him through the hard times.’ (Life Works When)

The Purpose of Life is a Life of Purpose.

Robert Bryne said it best, the purpose of life is a life of purpose, but what is a life of purpose? 'Sometimes the goals we gravitate towards aren’t right for us. Or worse some purposeful objectives might be chosen for motivational wants defined by greed, envy and false illusions of happiness, rather than our true needs. Other times our purpose is linked to our developmental age and stage of life. When this happens, we can forget to adjust and adapt our goals to growing up, life experiences and getting older’ and as we now understand, in global crises.

‘The issue is we all need some kind of destination to push us forward and excite us to master and work towards endeavors that will be meaningful in some way. In turn, we get a sense of where we are going and why. Purpose is individual and intrinsic to our needs and wants. Having a sense of purpose gives us a balanced meaning to our existence. It allows us to allocate time and resources to goals and dreams. And dreams create passion and energy. We all need to be excited about something, no matter if that drive is to feel better, care for our well-being, imagine a better life or to invent something truly amazing. Purpose is passion. And a life without passion is an empty vision.’ (Article on Purpose)

With great disruption, as we have experienced in 2020, we can easily loose sense of ourselves and believe the direction we were travelling in is no longer relevant. But that is wrong. Purpose, in its simplest form, can improve relationships, emotional well-being, increase longevity and benefit workplaces. In fact, ‘creating strong links to an individual purpose benefits individuals and companies alike—and could be vital in managing the postpandemic uncertainties that lie ahead.’ (Purpose in crisis).

We should be encouraging senior management and c-suite teams to be mindful of what our employees need and attach purpose to, as we move towards the next new normal post COVID-19. Research has indicated that purpose can be an ‘important contributor to employee experience, which in turn is linked to higher levels of employee engagement, stronger organizational commitment, and increased feelings of well-being.’ (Purpose in crisis)

The Archetypes of Purpose.

Just having purpose is not, however, an easy pathway out of discord. The value around our purpose sets the agenda for success or failure in our workplaces. It is the learning to install a sense of purpose in ourselves, teams and organisations that is the direction we are looking for in 2021.

Let’s look at our value sets to start with because this can determine or orientate our type of purpose. For example, if you have a personal value of belonging, then professionally team development, loyalty and recognition may direct your purpose. It is what connects you with what you do and need. As leaders, our purpose is more meaningful as it shapes the culture of organisations, the connectivity of management and the productivity of employees.

A survey by the McKinsey Report (Purpose in crisis) looked into types of purpose we rate connected to our values. Analysing nine characteristics of purpose they defined three types of purpose archetypes, the ‘Freespirits, Achievers and Caregivers.’

 

Freespirits.

Freespirits value autonomy and respect tradition. They find meaning in situations where they can control what they do and when or how they do it. They thrive working independently and enjoy ‘stress testing’ ideas with others, goals are selected with consideration of family and cultures. Purpose blockers for Freespirits are being micromanaged, inflexibility, censorship and pressure to go against well-established practices.

Knowing if your employee gravitates towards the Freespirit type of purpose allows organisations to enhance autonomy and understand the importance of tradition and culture to these types. They find purpose in freedom within a framework.

Achievers.

Achievers, on the other hand, find their purpose in accumulating social or material resources. They find purpose in self-improvement. Achievers will need opportunities to increase earnings and status and look for fun and excitement in their tasks. They like to be the authority on topics and impress others. Their purpose blockers are if they are made to feel invisible, lack influence and become out of sync with the culture. Achievers have a fear of failure that leads to humiliation.

Leaders of achievers need to balance the purpose with the job role. Recognition is important, as is being seen and acknowledge by the group or team. Beneath this is the apprehension that failure, particular public failure will have on their well-being. Ensuring the job is varied, purpose fit for their skill level and developing professional development to succeed and challenge them, can keep an achiever satisfied and growing.

Caregivers.

The third type of purpose archetype is the Caregiver. Caregivers find purpose in selecting how and when they look after others. They are less interested in material gain or the opinion of others. Caregivers find their purpose in mentoring and supporting others in the team. They seek work-life balance, security and order. Their purpose blockers happen when they are pulled away from the team or family and friends. Isolation is not helpful in a work environment and they may struggle with any uncertainty or disorder.

Leaders can enhance the Caregiver purpose by investing in training for mentorship and providing a role that anchors them in team leadership, cultural management or workplace well-being, particularly if they are required to work off site or at home. Understanding the need for balance is important and consideration to the fact that people not performance, drives their meaning. Preparing them for options will reduce their anxiety.

These purpose archetypes can assist supporting and guiding your employees and teams forward, helping management and organisations rethink needs and offer leadership insight to plan for the post COVID business and operational future. A Caregiver leader needs an Achiever and Freespirit in their team to create balance and challenge. An Achiever CEO needs to reflect on the worth and purpose of the Caregiver and Freespirit in the C-Suite team.

Purpose as a measurable determinant of well-being in workplaces is a new, untested path forward and the research by the McKinsey report is a step towards understanding the importance of values as intrinsic to purpose and success. It challenges us to see ourselves and those around us, through a different lens.

The ‘so, what now’ question has started to find an answer. Look beyond profit margins and into people purpose. Find out who your leaders, employees and consumers are and what is their purpose. Define the meaning framework in each job and enhance the archetypal links to improve performance. One thing we do know for certain is Heraclitus was right. A life in flux is what we have, and if we find our purpose, it can be the impetus for great change, growth and prosperity.

 

 

 

 

Leon at 14
leon

I met Leon in 2017 and immediately was impressed. This dude was 20 years old, had turned up, paying his own way, on his own reconnaissance because he knew something was wrong. Tall, lean, with messy dark hair he sat down in front of me. He had quiet confidence that resonated in the room. A measured approach to his thinking, beyond his years, and an upright honesty that was refreshing. He needed to get back to tennis. He needed to prove to himself he had it. He wanted to work out where everything had gone wrong. I asked him his goal. It was simple. I want to have a ranking again. That would be enough.

Leon was a teen prodigy by the age of 14. He was ranked as the number one player in Australia for his age group and was 119 in the overall national rankings. He competed in the finals of the prestigious Nike Junior Tour International Masters event held in Florida, won five titles in Europe (including an Under 16’s European Tennis Association event) and reached the final of the Villas Trophy in Majorca.

But he was not from the typical tennis family. They were not wealthy. They were not connected to the tennis world. Leon was just bloody good at what he did. I often think if he had more support around him, how different his path would’ve been, but then maybe, how different a player he may have ended up.

Leon was on his way. An elite athlete with a hell of a future ahead of him. He had the buzz around him that champions get, as they reach that moment that jettisons them into the stratosphere. Like many other young athletes, his life had been centred on achieving and climbing up that competitive ladder. The uplift was he was doing incredibly well. The down side was he had to sacrifice school, socialising and relationships in order to get there.

Just as so many highly skilled people will tell you, getting to the top in sports is part raw talent, part grunt and pure dedication and part luck. He could control his career, but he couldn’t control the events outside of it. Personal problems and family conflicts became a huge distraction. Trauma hit the family and Leon reeled from the impact. His coping skills that were linked to high performance determination, failed to sustain him emotionally. What little support he had dropped off. Everyone wants a ride on the rising star and are quick to jump off when it is falling.

In life, we come across moments where the path we are on can diverge. On one hand we can keep pushing and working on the long hard way ahead. On the other hand, life events knock us off that path and we stumble into an unknown emotional landscape.

Leon went from Australian’s best and brightest young tennis player to an adolescent fast losing his way. By the time he plonked down on my couch, he was coaching tennis and struggling to get his game back. He had begun to turn back to the path he liked best, a professional elite athlete who had purpose and a gift. On his own he had the courage and willpower to make big changes in coaches, lifestyle and his self-defeating habits. But it was not enough.

I knew listening to him, underneath the self-doubt, self-disappointment and fear he had missed the moment of a lifetime, Leon was ready. He has tried everything to get his game on, and yet the mental edge escaped him. His identity had blurred, and he was struggling to connect with the prodigy boy who had so much hope. Anger and anxiety had the reigns on his thinking. On the court he would lose focus, get distracted and let his negative emotions control him rather then use them to supercharge his talent. His mindset was constantly being interrupted by hurt and frustration. The anger became his opponent, not the player across the net.

Leon told me a story of tragedy, personal trauma and defeat. What I saw was a young man with incredible skill, mental fortitude, ambition, and resilience. His passion for the game and inner insight worked to help him master his mental hurdles. I was inspired to dig in and help him to commit to his goals. His strengths were his vulnerabilities. He was reserved, honest, empathic and in sharp contrast to the players on the circuit around his age, these attributes gave him his unique edge. He was a person that brands could back and know they would get the real deal. He wanted it and was prepared to do anything to get back to the game.

And man, did he commit.

With the focus of a trained athlete listening to his coach, he took on board the discussions and strategies we talked about. He questioned when he didn’t get it and challenged when he needed to link what I was saying with his purpose. He used his own creative ideas to expand the narratives and work them.

Leon picked up his emotional tennis racket and started serving mental aces. He practiced cognitive restructuring, used our other strategies to pinpoint his focus and shut out the noise in his head. He practised a brave mind, like he practised at the nets. Every day, unrelentingly. We talked about the days it did not work and the days he simply nailed it. The self-doubt started to be replaced with true belief he still had it.

And then it happened.

He was playing like a gun. He got the mindset of a winner. He walked on court and knew he was as good as the dude looking back at him. He flipped anger into energy and his mind was a shield, refusing to be distracted by a punitive inner critic. More than that, he was loving playing again. It was fun. It was hard work. He was doing it. And even when he lost a match his attitude was outstanding. It was ‘what I can do better next time’ rather than ‘what I did wrong this time’. Leon was back. Better and more focused.

In 2018 Leon travelled across the globe playing his best. I sat in my office mentally cheering him on, always pumped to get a message or footage of him doing what he does. Get out on the court and have fun. It was exciting to see his mental fortitude build with every game. The 14-year-old champion was back, with the determination and maturity of an adult. Leon had his ranking again. Goal achieved

In 2019 after an incredible comeback year he had a hip injury that took him out. Disappointed, he didn’t give up. He worked at the physio, kept his mind in check and got ready for the next year. It was a hard year. The momentum had been building and then gone. He had pushed his body too hard and not invested in self-care. So, many lessons to learn on his own, with so little support. He was back to the beginning. No ranking and a hard climb back to the top.

In 2020 he won his first three matches against ranked players, before the COVID-19 made the world grind to a standstill. Yesterday, he sent me a video of practicing on the clay. He has always done that. No matter where he is in the world. Keeps me in the loop. There he was. Giving it 100, digging in and driving his game forward as best as he can in the current climate. It was inspiring and I felt honoured he was letting me know, ‘still doing what I need to do, Sarah.’

I thought on how motivating he was as an athlete and as a human being who had faced both success and adversity so young, yet he’d managed to thrive, coming out the other end of the hard times. How he took it on himself to seek help and guidance. We talked a lot about Roger Federer’s open-hearted discussions on using the mental edge to win, but also to bring you back from losing. When I asked him how he felt about me writing about his story, he answered in true Leon style.

‘Yeh, no worries Sarah, if it helps anyone, an athlete in the future. I’d be very happy. I’m not afraid that anyone knows I got help. It takes real courage.’

Seriously, now that’s the words of a true champion, amazing human being and brave mind. I am immensely proud to have been a small part in his achievements. Leon has taught me how true mental strength, honesty and integrity can achieve any dream. He did not have the backing and riches to give him an edge or to fund his support. Particularly when times got tough. Just talent. He is still at it. He doesn’t know the meaning of give up or give in.

My message? Sponsors, coaches and managers, get behind him. He is the embodiment of the sports stars we need. Our young athletes are looking for this kind of role model. Totally talented, empathic, rational and driven to succeed beyond all hurdles placed in front of them. Thank you, Leon, for letting me share your skills, courage and mental strength.

 

PHOTO : Socrates (Leon) Tsoronis at age 14 and age 21