Achieving equilibrium between lifestyle and employment is tricky.

Work-life balance is concerned with how each aspect of your week is prioritized and managed, not only for wellbeing but also the enhancement of both your work and play. Lifestyle can cover anything outside work, including family, friends, hobbies, pleasure and spiritual development and just getting out and about in a social sense. Getting the balance right can make you happier, healthier and more productive in all aspects of your life.

Now, perhaps I am guilty of struggling to get this right, like a lot of you. Work demands, deadlines and just those unrelenting standards to achieve, can get in the way of common sense. Balance is the key to happiness and happiness encourages us to succeed. So, as I write this, I am thinking how I can actively focus on creating more equilibrium between what I do and who I am. Why not try too?

To get you started here is a checklist to start you thinking about your balance between your job and your life. Find areas that could do with a review!

Be open about your needs

Juggling everything means nothing gets done. Be open about what you need from others, home, friends and family. More to the point, be open with yourself about what you really need. Needs are things that keep us alive and healthy. Wants are things we desire. Try not to confuse the two. Needs are about our relationships and lives. Wants are about our jobs and passions.

Respect boundaries

Respect the boundaries and limitations that others have to maintain their work-life balance. This includes work colleagues and friends and family. Not everyone may want to work as much as you do, and some may like to work so much less. Each of us is allowed to select how we want to find that equilibrium. If your manager says finish at 5, then respect that instruction. If your partner asks you to put away your laptop? Respect their request just as much. Boundaries are moments of definition and clarity. For you and for those around you.

Understand what really matters

What really matters to you? Have you sat down and thought about it? Decide what is important to you and then start to plan how to achieve it. When we become imbalanced in either our work or life, something is over compromised and the outcome is always less than what we desire. Define what you care about and start building towards that, making sure you take a global view on how that goal, job or task will benefit your lifestyle.

Pace yourself

You have a long life to enjoy and a long career to become successful. Stop rushing everything and jumping ahead of yourself. Take time to breathe, reflect, grow and learn. Slow down and enjoy moments over rushing forward, seeking the next achievement. Let others share in your life and career instead of sprinting ahead of everyone.

Learn how to let go of things

Sometimes you just can't get everything done in a day. Or week! Let the pressure to be perfect and those annoying unrelenting standards go. Some things feel urgent but in real life, they can wait until tomorrow. If you can't get all your work tasks, housework, socialising, and hobbies done in one day, so be it. Prioritize and then reschedule, divert and decide to cut yourself some slack. We can make small things into big things by panicking and ruminating. Reach out for help to get small tasks done and learn the art of delegation.

Establish boundaries at work, and stick to them

Don't you just love that colleague who always says yes? Be careful it's not you! Saying yes to every request and suggestion at work will leave you burnt out, taken for granted and feeling overwhelmed and devalued. Maintain a clear and realistic idea of what you can achieve and achieve well, rather than many half-completed tasks. Don't set yourself up for failure by saying yes to requests and demands that exceed your job criteria and place you under unnecessary pressure. Talk to your manager and seek strategies on being professionally assertive if you find these hard. Go to my article How to be assertive without upsetting others. What you need to know. if you need to read more on being assertive.

Prioritize your time

I hear a lot about how little time everyone has, but the truth is there is time to be found in every day and in every week. It's a matter of how you prioritize what you are doing, needing to do and the time you allocate to it. Sometimes you need to make a choice of what is important at home, at work and socially. We spend a lot of wasted minutes and hours which can be used much more effectively if you know how. For tips on managing your time go to my article On Being Time's Friend.

Be healthily selfish about your "me" time

Putting some time aside to relax, think, reflect and do some work on yourself is just as important as doing for others. It can be a few hours a week or a day a month. Find some drop out time where you can just be you and drift or explore your possibilities. Check out my article on self-care and go to What looking after yourself DOESN'T look like. If you need some help here.

Avoid working long hours

Like taking on too many tasks that cannot be finished in a day, you need to stop your working day to allow enough time for your life and the people in it. Avoid habits of being 'on' all the time. Leave your workplace at a suitable time that lets you be with friends and family. They are just as important as that deadline you're worrying about. Working overtime all the time can often be interrupted as an inability to get the job done on time. Be mindful of the message you send when you extend your working hours too often and for too long.

Leave work at work

Hard one this one, I'm the first to admit it! At least 3 days out of 7 (being realistic here!) you need to leave your work and screens on your desk and do something else, notice people around you and work on your non-work identity. The brain needs stimulating and it will get lazy and bored doing the same thing all day every day. Break up your patterns, have a flexible structure to your commitments and adaptive thinking that allows change. In this way, you can challenge the thoughts that you 'must' do the work when you should and could be doing so many other, equally important, activities.

Plan a holiday

Holidays are meant to be taken. Believe it or not. Plan your breaks and holidays and book them in at the beginning of the year. It gives you something to look forward to, commits time to your friends and family and forces you to take time off and have a bit of balance in your life. It lets everyone know that you will be absent from work. It lets your family and friends know that you value time with them, as much as your commitment to work.

Balance is the backbone of a healthy and successful life. It's never too late to reevaluate how you spend your time at work and in life and start to make changes to create a happier experience in both areas of our lives. On saying that, I'm going to save this and then turn my laptop off and go for a long walk on this sunny, winter day. There's my equilibrium!

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In business speak, we define the skills we have in the workplace as soft or hard skills. Soft skills, in simple terms, means the growth of ‘personal attributes that enable you to interact effectively and harmoniously with other people.’ Hard skills are seen as techniques, strategies, knowledge and skills you learn or are taught to perform in your working career.

We usually talk in terms of soft skills when we are discussing workplaces, employees and leadership qualities. This is because soft skills are about improved and increased people skills that enhance performance in teams and in management or leadership positions. They complement the hard skills we bring to our profession. A person with excellent soft skills is more likely to navigate through the complex communications, interactions and conflicts found in workplaces, with higher levels of success, than perhaps, someone with less advanced soft skills. It can be the difference between career advancement or not.

Recent research by the Melbourne Graduate School of Education, released this year, brought to light that over the past 10 years, soft skills in general, seem to be falling below expectations and for many population groups learning these basic human skills will be the difference between where they want to be in life and if they will achieve it.

These abilities, which I call human skills, are increasingly neglected in the generations coming through. Not only that, but there is a universal ignorance about how important these skills are, in fact as important as the hard skills we are so focused on learning and teaching. These human skills are vital to increasing your opportunities for a successful, happy life and a long career. They are integral to bonding in, and to, our communities and societies.

Human skills need human interactions.

Of course, the reduction in our ability to practice our human skills hasn’t been helped by our increasing reliance on technology, that separates us from interacting with each other in the same spaces. Human skills need to be practised in real life. Not through a screen. There are enough indications that these human skills, or rather those who have them, will be more likely to have success in life, love and their chosen career paths. These skills make us, as human beings, more adaptable, flexible and adventurous in an ever-changing and complicated world. Our focus needs to be as much on learning and becoming skilful with human skills, as it is with hard skills. Particularly as we continue to rely on more online and phone-based communications.

So, what are they, these essential human skills for success that we somehow continue to neglect or are devalued in light of other abilities? What are the skills we need that exceed the workplace focus and are essential to having authentic, long-lasting success?

Innovation

The first skill we need for longevity in a successful life is innovation. Let’s shift this definition away from a business model which is focused on creating a product that is novel or new, and look at it as a human skill. Okay, not all of us have creative brains that can come up with the next big thing, but innovation is not just about creating a new product, it is about making a meaningful impact on society. It is about learning how to use new ideas or even to create the new ideas yourself. Innovation is mental risk-taking. Intelligence used for discovery of something new. In human skill terms, we are talking about self-development. New ways of being yourself. New ideas about authenticity and self-belief. New challenges in developing, changing and growing in this life. Innovation, as a human skill, is about creating new from within ourselves and producing a better, more effective and more adaptive self as we grow. Innovation, in an interpersonal sense, is about finding better solutions to your existing problems. Trying a different approach. Being innovative when dealing with others. Innovation can be about how we articulate our needs to produce a new result in relationships and in our lives. The goal of innovation is to solve an existing issue with a new approach, idea, skill or to introduce a different way of being in the situation.

Communication.

Communication is the second human skill we need for a successful life. Being an effective communicator is more difficult than we think. Hence so many articles and books are written on how to interconnect with each other. This is because it is a balance between your needs and wants and the other persons needs and wants. It is a highly skilled ability to be clear, articulate and in control of your emotions, when talking (and even more so when arguing), with others. I continually hear from clients, “I am a good communicator,” or “I have no problem expressing myself” or “I’m not afraid of talking about things”. Yet they seem to miss the skills to take those conversations to a positive end and resolve them with a capacity for learning. Or know when a conversation is not needed, when not to share and when to listen. Communication is about an interaction with another human being, not just talking or expressing your viewpoint, irrelevant of the listeners’ needs. (For more on different skills from courageous conversations to assertive versus aggressive communication, see my recent article How to be assertive without upsetting others.).

There is a vast difference between the skill of communicating online or via texting than sitting in the room with another person and expressing yourself or letting them express their side of the story.

So many clients present with very high levels of anxiety, when put in real-life versus online situations, where they must converse in person. They become overwhelmed with the things a screen cannot prepare you for or teach you to interpret and manage. Body language, tone of voice, facial expressions, these are human skills that can turn a talk into an argument if not mastered. A difficult conversation into a productive one. Not knowing this human skill can lead to serious misinterpretation of what another human being is trying to say or do. Reading the nonverbal language is a human skill just as important as having learnt the verbal language. Communication is so much more than words. To be successful in this world knowing how to communicate is vital. From family to teachers, to employers, to friends, to lovers, to children, the better we are at hearing, reading and talking to others, the more successful we become.

Problem-solving

I prefer the term solution finding, but knowing how to resolve issues is the third human skill essential to finding success. Technology does some amazing things. It links us to the world and information we could never normally access. We can travel to exotic places, see concerts from bands playing in other countries, experience space, play games that are so real it’s spooky, and meet people from all over the world. Technology has increased our processing speed. We consume data in a way we have never before. We are quicker, better and more adaptable in dexterity and in analysing information. However, everything is about balance and compromise. Just as we are excelling in some cognitions with the aid of technology, so are other cognitions weakening. What we are losing, amongst all this incredible knowledge and experience technology gives us, is the skill for creative problem-solving.

Our reliance on technology to provide or compute answers from simple queries to more complex solution finding tasks is leaving the very human skill of problem-solving, neglected and underutilised.

We are becoming less apt at using our imagination and creativity, to get out of sticky situations or to find solutions to normal issues we come across in life. We are actually losing the human skill to resolve problems and find effective solutions, on our own. The repercussions are significant in managing our personal interactions, resilience building and coping strategies. These are abilities directly related to confidence, anxiety, stress and depression. This human skill defines how well we can cope with the day to day hustle of life, as well as the traumatic experiences that are part of being human in this world.

Collaboration

The final human skill we need for future success is collaboration. This means the art of how to get along with others and be tolerant of people’s quirks, views and habits. We need to work on learning how to connect and work with others in life. From within families, to friendship groups and work teams, learning how to collaborate makes the difference between forming bonds with others and not. For example, a basic exercise in collaboration happened not so long ago in my life. While on holiday, much to the horror of my children, the house we rented did not have internet access and was out of range for our wi-fi. After the initial shock, we had to learn to collaborate in the evenings over what DVD to watch. It was an exercise in compromise and working with each other. Usually, if someone doesn’t want to watch a program or movie, they can wander off or view something on their own screens. Not here. We spent time talking and discussing what each of us wanted, collaborating to come to an agreement. It was interesting and a reminder of how easy it is to take a non-collaborative option in our world. How we navigate through compromise, negotiations and self-sacrificing (where feasible), is a very human skill that is undervalued.

We collaborate so we can produce something of value. In human skill terms, it means how we work within groups, (like our community) and the bigger society we belong to. Team sports are a perfect demonstration of collaboration. It just happens that often we leave these skills on the playing field or court and forget that it is a general human skill that can be implemented everywhere. It is a concept bigger than ourselves. We need to collaborate with neighbours, communities, societies and countries. Working with others is about understanding what it takes to reach a united goal and the value of partnerships. How to form an alliance and have loyalty to others. Collaboration is about participation. It can start with forming a partnership with parents by helping around the house as a way to contribute to the family. It can develop into a skill that grows to negotiating within friendship groups at school. It becomes important as we mature and form alliances at work. It is essential to participate in social and global issues.

Collaboration is not a ‘me’ concept it an ‘us’ idea.

There you have it. If you want to be successful in whatever is your passion or dream, these four human skills are a necessity to master. They will solidify your ability to resolve, adapt and be flexible in your interpersonal relationships. They will teach you how to be a mental risk taker for positive outcomes and challenges. They will push you to think beyond your own value and how you connect, interact and connect to the people around you and the society you are part of. They will teach you the art of interacting, communication and reading people in real life situations. Human skills are a basic necessity, to achieve a successful and happier life.

Research: Life Patterns Ten years following Generation Y by Melbourne Graduate School of Education (2008-2018)

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I was at a networking group the other day. I don't often go to these things as I am lucky enough that my network is made up of recommendations and incidental meetings. But it is good to go to these opportunities, you never know who you might meet or what you might learn. For most of the group, it appeared beneficial. Lots of connections and talking and assimilating into like-minded groups. For me, I walked away with meeting a few really interesting (and fun) professionals that I am looking forward to catching up and co-mentoring in the near future. However, as I wandered around this large group of professionals, in an informal setting, I was struck by a few who appeared to have mistaken assertive ways of interacting with aggressive. I have to say how surprised I was at the lack of professional insight many of the group demonstrated. How little skill many had in communicating their needs efficiently and clearly. How many did not know (or chose to ignore), the difference between aggressive and assertive interactions. It is these, admittedly unwitting, people and their aggressive conversation style, that has inspired this month's blog.

There is a vast difference between being eager, assertive or aggressive in our communication style. When we are eager we strongly want to do or have something. It makes us appear a little impatient but full of hope and passion.

We express eagerness in our expressions and tone of voice, as we show our listener that we are keenly expectant or really interested, in their topic or company. Sometimes it can become annoying to the person you are talking to if the eagerness develops into pestering or aggressiveness. Be eager, but don't let that passion tip into aggressiveness.

Aggressive, on the other hand, is where we express what we say without thinking about the wellbeing of the person we are engaged in conversation with. It is a harmful style of communicating that can make others feel socially anxious and make their opinion of you diminished. Aggressive is about dismissing the needs of someone else by belittling their confidence.

Sometimes we can get confused between aggressive and assertive styles of conversation. Let's make it clearer. When you are being assertive you are expressing an opinion and showing respect towards your listener and yourself, at the same time. When you are being aggressive, your style of interpersonal skill is to ignore, denigrate, bully or attack your listeners' opinion, particularly if it contradicts your own.

It is very easy to slip into a passive style of talking (don't state your opinion at all) when you are confronted by aggressive people in social settings. They can blindside you and intimidate you. But it's not okay for others to push your opinions down so, they can feel superior.

Here are some ways you can start to practice being less aggressive and more assertive, particularly professionally, but also in your day to day interactions.

1. Active Listening

Let's start with paying attention. If you are actively listening to the speaker then you can begin to understand what they are trying to communicate and reduce inadvertent feelings that you are disengaged. Not being present when listening to someone can make people defensive and then aggressive. Be a participant in the conversation.

2. No is not a bad word!

When did saying no to someone equate with being unhealthily selfish? 'No' is a part of your speech you need to practice. And use! People pleasing will only get you so far in life and pull you away from being authentic. Saying no is like any new skill. You have to practice it! Use a mirror and watch yourself saying no, let your mind hear it, recognise your face as you say it. No need to shout it at your listener, however, keep it calm, sincere and reasonable in the way you speak. I don't mean run around saying no willy-nilly, either. When you feel compromised or uncomfortable or bullied into an opinion, that is when the 'no' is needed. Assertiveness means you say this with an understanding that a person's feelings are at stake. So be respectful and maybe add on the reason why you are saying no. Be strong and clear about the 'why'. Remember the idea behind being assertive is not to win or make others feel bad, it is about developing the strength to stay authentic to who you are and what you believe in.

3. Agree to disagree.

If someone is not agreeing with you, that is their right. They don't have to believe in your opinion. Your role is not to bully them into submission either. Agree to disagree. Validate their choice in the conversation and maintain your own belief. Remember, however just being challenged in your opinion is not always a bad thing. Maybe there is growth in learning something new, different or challenging in what they are saying. Be assertive with your own belief but not at the expensive of offending. Keep reasonable and focused.

4. Tone of voice.

Keep that tone in your speech quiet and low (not a threatening growl here), and calm. Breath out and focus on being relaxed. This will take the edge off your speech and imply you are not provoking conflict. When we are assertive rather than aggressive, we can get our point across using the emphasis on content rather than volume. Speak slowly to stay in control. Be mindful of volume to indicate calmness. Be patient if they are not responding to your words. Try not to hesitate too much, it can show uncertainty and doubt.

5. Use 'I'.

Stay with discussing your opinion and needs rather than telling others their opinion and needs. Try to use statements that express your feelings and beliefs by using 'I'. Examples are starting the conversation with 'I think' or 'I feel'. If you are using terms such as, 'you never' or 'you always', you are being aggressive and implying you know more than the person listening does, about themselves. It will immediately create a defensiveness. Stick with what you know, use "I" to frame what you want to express and keep the direction of the conversation focused on you rather dictating to someone what they are feeling or experiencing.

6. Stay to problem solve.

Most people can feel uncomfortable when they are being assertive, particularly when the listener is not responding. To leave the conversation is passive. It is giving in to the aggression of the person you are expressing your needs to. Unless the conversation has quickly escalated to put you at risk (which means you need to place safety over-assertiveness), try to stay until you get the answer you can be satisfied with. Note, I didn't say the answer you want. Assertiveness is about expressing your authenticity. Not about winning or convincing someone of your point of view. Try to continue the conversation in a calm and respectful way until you believe they have heard you clearly. You can ask them to clarify if they have heard you correctly, ask more questions, listen to their answers openly or move the conversation towards options for resolution. The focus is no-one should walk away feeling upset or hurt by the interaction.

7. Avoid guilt trips.

Assertiveness is not about making someone feel bad or guilty about being with you. It is about your need to be authentic, honest, respectful to yourself and to them. Avoid accusations, implying they are wrong or hurtful and keep focused on expressing your opinion being articulate, kind and clear. The interaction you are having must be meaningful and worthwhile. It is about building your authenticity and integrity and leaving your listener with theirs.

8. Practise assertiveness.

Practice. Practice. Can't say it enough. No new skill is learnt on the first try. The brain is a muscle and needs to be worked in order to have an optimum outcome. Use a mirror, friends and family to build your confidence and skills in being assertive. Think of it as part of your toolkit for life. The more assertive you are able to be, the more authentic in this world you will become.

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There is nothing like being valued for a job well done. Most of us relish a bit of ego boosting when we perform at our best. Whether that is sports, relationships or at work, it feels good to be recognized for your efforts. The funny thing is that in our working lives, out performing our colleagues can often bring with it dilemmas that are not really talked about.

This concept was brought home to me this week while talking to a client who was excellent at their job. They were exceptional in their performance and because of this were offered a leadership position. The thing was, they never wanted it. They were very happy and fulfilled in the role they were doing. But, like most of us, a promotion and the prospect of a higher wage, tempts our self-esteem and our bank balance. Yet, a few years in and my client was miserable, under performing and feeling less confident than they ever had felt in their life. They didn't want the promotion but felt conflicted to say no.

We are expected to have ambition in this materialistically driven world we created. It is nearly discreditable to suggest that achieving in every endeavor might not be your own particular dream. Ambition is a highly valued cultural characteristic. It means we have drive, are not lazy, want more and have the ability to learn, grow and develop. When we are ambitious we are seen to add worth to our lives and by our actions the greater good.

However, ambition needs to be relative to our personal needs and motivators. Caring for children by staying home is ambition. Volunteering for charities is ambition. Working hard and enjoying your job, without desiring promotion is also, still ambition.

What is ambition, if it doesn't mean climbing that ladder of success?

Ambition by definition is, 'a strong desire to do or achieve something.' It includes our aspirations, intentions, vocations, dreams, hopes, wishes, purpose and mission in our lives. It also includes determination, eagerness, motivation and enthusiasm. Ambition means a lot of different things to each of us, it is not the same for all.

All of these actions that describe ambition, can be gained by just doing your job well and taking pleasure from what you do. Ambition isn't only about moving up a position, a bigger pay packet, more people to manage and the status accrued as your job title becomes more superior. It is what you want it to be.

Promotions are a recognition of your ability to do well, to manage stress, demonstrate responsibility and endurance. But before you take that promotion, make sure it is truly what you want, and that the benefits will outweigh the demands all promotions bring.

1. Will the position be advancing you in the direction you want your career to go?

Take a moment to consider your long-term career goals. Is the promotion you are being offered a step in the right direction, could it keep other opportunities from coming your way or is part of your life track?

2. How will you balance your personal and professional lives in the position?

A promotion means more commitment and time in the job. Try to outline your priorities in your professional and personal life and consider any roadblocks the new position could present for you, and your commitments to your friends and family.

3. Will you thrive in the new position or be crippled by fear or anxiety?

This is important. Make sure you have the skills and emotional fortitude to do the job on offer. If you're simply not qualified to do the job, and you're more worried about failing than excited about growing, that's going to be a problem. You may need to ask for additional training and support before you accept the promotion.

4. Will you be happy to wake up and go to work each day?

We all work better if we are inspired or passionate about what we do. If the promotion involves managing problematic staff or a product you don't believe in, will the sleepless night be worth it?

5. Will your relationships with colleagues and coworkers be affected?

When colleagues become under your supervision, have to report to you those old working relationships and even friendships can become problematic. Ask yourself if you're comfortable with changing relationships as a result of the promotion. How will you cope with overt or covert resentment when you have to do your job and that may affect those colleagues. Are they really okay with the change in position? Will they work for you or against you in the long term?

6. Are you well suited for the role?

It happens all of the time. The most common failed transition in promotions is where a business moves someone from a task-oriented position into a management role. Think how well suited you are for the role, especially if you are being asked to move into a leadership role. Not all of us are good managers and naturally efficient at managing people. It turns out that some of us are better suited to producing things as opposed to managing other people.

7. You don't want to manage people.

Oftentimes a promotion comes with new responsibilities, specifically managing a group of junior employees. But not everyone is cut out for or enjoys directing and instructing people to do things at work. That's fine. We often don't realise the mental and emotional energy and skill required to shift from being an employee to a team manager or supervisor. Becoming responsible not only for yourself, but for a group of people can be a daunting task to ask of anybody. Often, businesses think because you're a great individual contributor, you're going to be a great manager. But that doesn't always work and often these type of promotions fail because nobody really sat down and went through the new responsibilities, on all levels.

8. There's no pay increase.

This seems like a no-brainer, but it's not uncommon for employers to offer a new title and new responsibilities without the pay raise. I have heard this so many times. We can be lured by a title believing that it will lead to more status or financial gain. This is fine if the new position provides a mental challenge you are seeking, and you don't mind no extra monetary rewards. Experience tells me that sooner or later this type of agreement leads to feeling taken for granted, regret and lower productivity. And think a little towards the future, if another company tries to lure you away and they ask your current salary, you may be at disadvantage. If you are doing the current job for a low rate why would they offer you more? For under numerated promotions don't get dazzled by the excitement of the short-term offer, consider the long-term ripple effect it can have on your career.

9. You love your current job.

If your role is fulfilling and you're comfortable there, you don't have to leave it behind. Happiness cannot be bought. However, be mindful, that remaining at your current level comes with the inevitable pay ceiling. Salary increases are often given with more responsibility. Everything is a compromise.

10. What would be the top goals you need to accomplish?

A new role comes with more than a title and an office. It will be attached to new responsibilities and goals. If you are taking the promotion be sure to ask your boss which top two or three goals they would like you to tackle first. Your new position will come with accountability and increased expectations of your delivery on tasks. Make sure you are confident you can deliver.

It is kind of a general assumption that everyone wants to be promoted. But that simply isn't the truth. Success is a self-determined concept and it is measured by our own perception of what is meaningful to us and what is valuable to our lives. Success is not always measured by climbing the corporate ladder and being given a promotion. Sometimes just taking pleasure in your own ability to do your best is enough.

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Don't be a hot head! 8 ways you can reduce conflict in the workplace.

No-one likes a hot head. Especially in the workplace. From passive aggressive eyebrow raising to overt bullying, bad tempers and bad dispositions can create enormous disharmony amongst your team and for us personally. The point is conflict takes two to happen. One to start it and the other to react.

What we do know from research on conflict in the workplace and the time and costs it has on business, is that it takes its toll. Between 30 to 50 per cent of management's time can be spent in managing conflict in the work environment. Human resource executives can spend anywhere up to 20 percent of their time in activities revolving around conflict and litigation.

It's not just time and money that impacts on a business when conflict arises the human factor is just as dramatically impacted upon. Sandberg reported over 10 years ago that unresolved conflict contributed to 'staff absenteeism, attrition and litigation expenses; while low morale, productivity losses and impaired decision making are among the many hidden costs.' He noted that severe conflicts can lead to the complete restructuring of teams if left or handled unsuccessfully. Yet, bullying and conflict still remain a huge problem for many work environments. We don't seem to have found a real solution.

One reason is we often leave seeking help and coaching advice until things have escalated to the point of near no return. As Sandberg said, "Coaches use a powerful and empathetic questioning method that assists individuals to identify the triggers to conflict escalation and bring to the surface the assumptions inevitably held about the other party and the conflict itself." If the problem doesn't fix itself quickly, the outcome can have a huge impact on the workplace environment. Instead of waiting until a small problem has become a massive infraction, call in coaches to lead you through the process and out of the waste of time, money and human stress conflict causes.

The question is whose responsibility is it to resolve and prevent unnecessary conflict in the workplace? Is it ours, your work colleges or your bosses? Who should take the lead on creating a conflict free environment?

I'm very big on self-responsibility and ownership of how we act and interact in this world, which means, of course, let's start with ourselves. If we focus on reducing conflict and putting out as many spot fires as we can, then our workplaces are bound to be happier, healthy and more productive places to work.

So here we go, see how many you already do and how many more conflict reducing strategies you can implement.

1. Be positive.

If you want to work in a more positive environment, you must be positive. It's amazing how much of an effect a cheerful disposition can have on those around you and on the general atmosphere. In addition, a number of studies show that positive people are better placed to deal with stress, anxiety and challenges. This means you will be less likely to be drawn into other people's negativity and game playing.

2. Be aware of personality clashes.

As in life, we often come across people who we don't gel with. We don't have to get along with everybody, but we do have to respect differences. If you don't like someone's personality type or you find it clashes with your own, acknowledge that is what is occurring. Avoiding certain individuals in the office won't work, but you should certainly not become involved in other people's disagreements, or start your own because of the clashes in personality. Register your frustration and talk to a trusted person to diffuse your feelings.

3. Communicate respectfully.

The old mantra of 'treating people as you would like to be treated' is a good tactic in avoiding workplace conflict. Asking people for their co-operation rather than giving instructions, enquiring about people's weekends and thanking others for help they have given you will help you to maintain positive relationships with others. Understand that a demanding, entitled approach to conflict resolution will only decrease the chances of a good resolution. Don't bitch, whine or gossip about the problem or personal. Use appropriate ways to find a starting point to talk. Seek help if you don't know how to approach the situation.

4. Don't get involved in emotional manipulation.

Some people are used to getting their own way by using emotions, be they anger, fear, guilt or histrionics. If they succeed in doing this in the workplace, it will cause resentment and lead to arguments or blame shifting. Highly emotive people may be dysregulated emotionally and that means unpredictable in a workplace. Be observant, people can be cunning and manipulate your sympathies if they need to build an army against someone or something. Be aware cliques in the workplace can be particularly damaging and can even result in dismissals if the environment becomes impossible. If anyone asks you to align yourself with them against others, simply say that you value working with everybody. Avoid being drawn into emotional battles that have nothing to do with you. Have empathy but think clearly about being the shoulder to cry on, particularly if you only hear half of the story. Don't get emotionally ensnared by the drama king or queen at work.

5. Know what's important

Disputes can grow from the smallest of issues. Something as inconsequential as taking someone else's pen can escalate into accusations of poor work performance. Once you have an impression of a colleague from a particular incident, you will look for other examples, however small, to reinforce that opinion. One error or mistake, even a disagreement does not mean the working relationship needs to be erased. Resolve the problem with clarity and respect and then let it go. Avoid holding on to petty and insignificant slights.

6. Identify conflict

Dealing with a conflict at work can be tough. The aim is to compromise and be balanced in your expectations. Avoid believing you have a right to win, especially at the expense of working relationships you may just need to rely on later. Resolving conflict is better than trying to "win" because this helps people on both sides feel as though their concerns were valid and considered. Reaching fair compromises will help to eliminate stress that will ultimately lower productivity levels.

7. Find out reasons

Any environment where people are charged and emotionally invested in the events taking place, can be a perfect setting for conflict to happen. People are inevitably bound to have a disagreement on how things should be done which can lead to issues between those with differing opinions. If someone received a promotion or bonus it can lead to jealousy, particularly if others feel as though these benefits were earned unfairly. Disagreements in the workplace can also be personal. When you see the same people every day their habits can become irritating. If someone is messy, loud or confrontational it can make it difficult to focus on work. Define if the conflict is about business or personal? Is it a performance-based problem that is annoying you or a personal habit or presentation that irritates you? Think about the why your opinions are at odds with someone else. What merit does the other person have in their argument. Is there a way your reasons can be understood and worked through without butting heads? Why are you struggling to accept their version or reasons in the issue? Do you haev equally annoying habits you are unaware of?

8. Disagreement or bullying?

Frustration can quickly lead to disagreements. Disagreements become conflict . Conflict can easily shift into workplace bullying. According to Heads Up Healthy workplaces, signs of bullying in your work environment are if you or someone else experiences:

distress, anxiety, panic attacks or sleep disturbance
physical illness, such as muscular tension, headaches and digestive problems
reduced work performance
loss of self-esteem and feelings of isolation
depression and an increased risk of suicide.

Things you can do to help as an employee are:

supporting your workmates - check in with your colleagues and let them know you're there to help
showing respect and courtesy - being respectful of others helps create a more positive environment
speaking up against bullying (if you feel comfortable) - pull up anyone being disrespectful in the workplace
acting appropriately - understand your organisation's expectations and lead by example.

We all deserve the right to be free of accusations and temper tantrums at work. Think hard on how you can reduce the level of tension and conflict around you. If we all focused on building a happier workplace and followed these eight steps to avoid conflict, our time at work and with colleagues could be dramatically improved. Remember coaching can guide you and your team through the difficulties and prevent further issues arising.

Look out for the next 8 ways to avoid conflict in the workplace, part 2.

This time we are looking at your personal life and how making changes and thinking cleverly about your out of work time, can create a positive impact on your work environment. Everything is about balance and these few steps can make a difference to how you manage your work life.

Build downtime into your schedule:

We are, in general, pretty proficient at filling our schedules with goal based activities. Scheduling in some downtime however, is often left out of our daily calendar, even at work. Make downtime a specific goal. Remember how this used to be called lunch or a coffee break. I am constantly telling my staff to take their lunch. It is an important part of the day to step back, relax (even for an hour), and do non-work-related activities. Go for a walk, read, talk about your out of work life, listen to a podcast or music, whatever you need, step away from your work for an hour. You will feel revived and refocused as a result. Why not extend the concept to be part of your routine? Perhaps you can set a goal of achieving 3-5 relaxation activities a week and build them into your calendar. If circumstances require you to miss a scheduled downtime event, (let's be real, it will happen), replace it with another to make sure you maintain an increasingly better balance of work time and play.
Drop the activities that sap your time or energy:

Have you noticed that some activities take more time than they should? Or are physically and mentally draining that extends beyond the time they should take to complete? Maybe you have a workplace friend or a set of friends who seem to only bond over too much drinking or negative gossiping. Workplace friendships, come in all kinds of shapes and sizes, but if you leave their company feeling dragged down instead of enriched, time to rethink how you spend your precious hours. Alternatively, are you clinging to some tasks that you could delegate to someone else. Sometimes our need to control our workplace ends up with us having a long list of tasks we don't need to really do on our own.
Make time for exercise:

This is a big theme for me as I have struggled to find time to exercise, even after having a long athletic based childhood. Finding moments to exercise in my busy, sedentary life (there is a lot of sitting in my line of work), is a challenge. As you consider your health and well-being, determine the kinds of exercise that will add value to your life. Try to schedule your workout activities for realistic times that you can achieve. Lunchtime walks or runs, early morning workouts, or forms of exercise that can help you unwind after work. I put my room upstairs in my clinic to force me to go up and down stairs all day. Park your car further away from the office. Keep your plans flexible. It is hard to stick to a regimented plan if your work commitments can very. Think cleverly about the kinds of fitness you want to achieve, to strike a healthy balance between cardio workouts, weights, and activities that emphasize stretching, strength and agility. Start somewhere, even if it once a week. You can add more exercise in as you feel better and fitter. The healthier you are, the less sick leave you will need. All equates to a happy you at work.
Remember that a little relaxation can go a long way:

If you allow time for 10-15-minute visits with a friend or loved one, to read an enjoyable article, do a 5-minute breathing exercise, a moment of mindfulness, even a short stretch, will can go a long way towards increasing your emotional well-being and health. Tidy and declutter your work area. Stop to enjoy the small things. Use nature and those around you to develop a pattern of peak experiences (notice an everyday thing, in a new way). Keep your spirit fed and your motivation and commitment running high to improve your work space.
Enjoy your weekends and vacation:

If weekends and workdays blur together, your body and mind will struggle to rest. While it may not be possible to avoid all work-related activities, be sure your weekends and holidays are times that you allow yourself to relax and enjoy the downtime. Concerts, family and sporting activities are important times to for your working brain to take a nap and be thoroughly present with others. Put your phone down, your iPad away and let those around you see they are more important than work. Remember it is a job, people are what is really important in life. If you must work while on leave, then schedule a time to do it in that won't interfere with your social time with others. Being relaxed at the beginning of the week because you took time out, will improve your attitude and enjoyment of your work environment.
Make a time for chores, and get your chores done:

High achieving people are good at organization. That is how things seem to run smoothly for them. Use your organization skills out of the workplace as well. Particularly when it comes to accomplishing unwelcome chores. Schedule them in to avoid letting things turn into emergencies. Yes, there may be days you face a flat tire, or you may come down with the flu, but if you schedule time for health checkups, car maintenance and general cleaning you will face fewer health or maintenance emergencies and those you confront will likely be smaller in scope and easier to work through or to bear. Remember a stress free personal life means your working life will also be less stressed.

Hope this ideas are all helping you think about your work environment and what you can do to make it a happier and more relaxed place to spend your time.

A successful conversation “doesn’t just reshuffle the cards: it creates new cards.”

Whether at work or at home, we all have moments where we need to talk through something difficult with someone. And often what we need to say might be confronting and challenging, for them to hear and for us to say. In times like these, it is common to avoid the topic, shy away from talking or stumble about in an insecure manner without really getting to the point. All of which leads to feeling unfulfilled, frustrated and resentful. On both parts.

Speaking in a courageous way is a skill that takes a little practice, but when done right clears the air without offending someone or leaving you feeling over compromised.

To start with, in general, a courageous conversation is where you need to manage emotions and information in a sensitive way in order to:

Address poor performance or conduct at work
Deal with personal problems, be honest about behavior or give bad news.
Investigate complaints/deal with grievances and disputes.
Comfort or reassure someone – for example, if they are to be made redundant or with romantic break ups
Tackle personality clashes.

Conversations that fall in these 5 categories often need to navigate through emotional and psychological hurdles. There are differing opinions, perceptions, and needs/wants that can create problems and often, unknown emotional minefields, as we express what we want to say to another person. Feelings and emotions can run strong and distract from positive outcomes. At times, the consequences or stakes in ‘winning’ an argument or conversation with someone can become more significant than finding a resolution. With all the unknowns, it is no surprise we avoid telling the truth and addressing how someone’s behavior or actions have affected us.

Handling a courageous conversation requires skill and empathy, but ultimately, it requires the courage to go ahead and do it. Much like any new strategy, the more you get into the habit of facing issues, the more adept you will become at it. Being honest and authentic to yourself and to others is one of the skills that leads to a happier and smoother life. It isn’t easy to speak your mind in a way that won’t offend, but it is doable.

If you’re unsure of how to best approach a courageous conversation, here are some tips to guide you:

Be clear about the issue

To prepare for the conversation, you need to ask yourself two important questions: “What exactly is the behavior that is causing the problem?” and “What is the impact that the behavior is having on you, (or if at work, the team or the organisation)?” Clarity will allow you to articulate the problem in two or three succinct statements. If not, you risk going off on a tangent and confusing the listener. The lack of focus on the central issue will derail the conversation and sabotage your intentions.
Know your objective

What do you want to accomplish with the conversation? What is the desired outcome? What are the non-negotiables? As English philosopher Theodore Zeldin put it: A successful conversation “doesn’t just reshuffle the cards: it creates new cards.” What are the new cards that you want to have in your hands by the end of the conversation? Once you have determined this, plan how you will close the conversation. Don’t end without clearly expressed action items. What is the person agreeing to do? What support are you committed to provide? How do you want them to feel at the end of the conversation? How do you want to feel? What obstacles might prevent these remedial actions from taking place? What do you both agree to do to overcome potential obstacles? Do you think and are you prepared to follow up to evaluate progress on the problem? Are you prepared to let the issue go?
Adopt a mindset of inquiry

Spend a little time to reflect on your attitude toward the situation and the person involved. What are your preconceived notions about it? Your thinking will predetermine your reaction and interpretations of the other person’s responses, so it pays to approach such a conversation with the right mindset—which in this context is one of inquiry. A good doctor diagnoses a situation before reaching for his prescription pad. This applies equally to courageous conversations. Be open to hearing what the other person has to say before reacting and deciding your response. Even if the evidence is so clear that there is no reason to beat around the bush, we still owe it to the person to let them tell their story. A courageous conversation means you need to remain open and curious about what is being said.
Manage the emotions

We all can get anxious, upset or even angry when faced with difficult discussions. Sometimes the hurt and disappointment blinds us to problem solving or hearing a challenging opinion. Check in on your emotions. Rate your feelings from1 to 10 and if those emotions are getting too elevated, take some time out, regroup and start again. Be aware of the other person’s feelings too. If things are getting too heated or they look overwhelmed. Stop. Slow down and think about your approach again.
Be comfortable with silence

There will be moments in the conversation where a silence occurs. Don’t rush to fill it with words. Just as the pause between musical notes helps us appreciate the music, so the periodic silence in the conversation allows us to hear what was said and lets the message sink in. A pause also has a calming effect and can help us connect better. For example, if you are an extrovert, you’re likely uncomfortable with silence, as you’re used to thinking while you’re speaking. This can be perceived as steamrolling or overbearing, especially if the other person is an introvert. Introverts want to think before they speak. Stop talking and allow them their moment—it can lead to a better outcome.
Preserve the relationship

People with high emotional intelligence are always mindful to limit any collateral damage to a relationship. It takes years to build bridges with people and only minutes to blow them up. Think about how the conversation can fix the situation, without erecting an irreparable wall between you and the person. The aim is to make a point about an issue not destroy the friendship, working relationship, or a person’s self-esteem.
Be consistent

Ensure that your objective is fair and that you are using a consistent approach. If the person sees or believes you have one set of rules for one individual and a different set for another, you’ll be perceived as showing favoritism and bias. Nothing erodes a relationship faster than perceived inequality. Friends, lovers and employees have long-term memories of how you have handled situations in the past with others. Aim for consistency in your approach in courageous conversations. We trust someone who is consistent because we don’t have to second-guess where they stand on important issues such as friendship, culture, corporate values and acceptable behaviors.
Develop your conflict resolution skills

Conflict is a natural part of human interaction. Managing conflict effectively is one of the vital skills of working with others and being in relationships in general. Have a few, proven phrases that can come in handy in crucial spots. Aim to dial down the conflict rather than turn up the volume.
Choose the right place to have the conversation

Starting a courageous conversation in the middle of a restaurant, on a train or in front of others isn’t a smart approach to reaching a solution. Neither is calling people into your office sometimes. Sitting in your own turf, behind your desk, shifts the balance of power too much on your side. Even simple body language, such as leaning forward toward the person rather than leaning back on your chair, can carry a subtle message of your positive intentions; i.e., “We’re in this together. Let’s problem solve so that we have a better workplace.” Consider holding the meeting in a neutral place such as a meeting room where you can sit adjacent to each other without the desk as a barrier. With friends and in relationships, make time that suits you both. Chose a private place that limits being overheard. Over a kitchen bench, going for a walk or if you prefer not to be alone, select a coffee shop with some level of privacy. People can react to the fear of being overheard or public embarrassment so, be mindful of where and when you start the conversation.
Know how to begin

Some people put off having a courageous conversation because they don’t know how to start. The best way to start is with a direct approach. “John, I would like to talk with you about what happened at the meeting this morning when Bob asked about the missed deadline. Let’s grab a cup of coffee tomorrow morning to chat.” Or: “Linda, I want to talk about our relationship and would love to sit down when you’re ready, so I can explain where I’m coming from. Being straight forward is the authentic and respectful way to tell someone a difficult message. You don’t want to ambush people by surprising them about the nature of the “chat.” Make sure your tone of voice signals discussion and not inquisition, exploration and not punishment. Compassion not critique.
Be compassionate

It’s best to come at sensitive topics from a place of empathy. Be considerate; be compassionate. Although often uncomfortable we can all deliver a difficult conversation with truth, fairness and bravery. Avoid seeking compassion from the person listening to you. You are not there to emote and seek sympathy. You are doing this to get clarity and reduce friction, frustration or unhappiness. This is about you, but not about how you feel having the courageous conversations, so steer away from starting the discussion with how hard it is for you to say what you are about to say. It won’t ring true and will sound patronising.
Breathe

The calmer and more centered you are, the better you will be at handling courageous conversations. It’s not a bad idea to practice some mindful breathing and calming techniques. This can help you remain clear about your objectives and focused on the purpose for having the courageous conversation in the first place. Using a few centering strategies can give you a method of defense if things get too personal and you find you are under attack.

Courageous conversation can be uncomfortable for both parties involved. Take your time. Think about your objectives. Have a clear idea of the outcome you want and monitor your emotions. Don’t forget, if it isn’t working out, excuse yourself, take a walk, get a drink of water and collect your thoughts. Then try again. Success gets closer with every attempt.

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In Part 2 of my tips on improving work life for your team, we are looking at the bigger picture. So, let’s continue to think about ways we can improve the workplace for our teams and for ourselves. Although these tips are aimed at the workplace, they can be generalised to your philosophy of life too. It seems an easy concept but creating a happy place for people to do their job isn’t always as easy at it seems. Sometimes even with the best of intentions, workplace environments can softly slide into places of discontent, conflict or become generally uncomfortable. In making sure we maintain a welcoming zone for employees to return to every day, try some of these options.

Here are 5 ways that affect the quality of our working life, which we can work on.

1. Good Working Environment

We spend, a lot of time at work. Often more time than we do at home. That is why it is important we create a congenial working environment, where we are happy to come and sit side by side with others. You can check how your workplace is travelling by reflecting on the following areas:

Does your team work well together or look forward to tasks that require group dynamics?
Are your employees and management effective together? Do they offer to help each other out and provide support when needed?
Professional Friendship. Do your colleagues, employees and management relate in a friendly, professional manner? Do they exhibit loyalty?
Mutual respect. Irrelevant of the jobs and positions, does your team and management demonstrate respect and respectful interactions in the workplace and outside of their jobs?

These four areas of need can be indicators of a good working environment which, in return, will attract employees and retain them to stay longer with your company.

In contrast, whether it is because you are so busy, have your eyes off the big picture or maybe, things have run so smoothly in the past you’re not looking for problems, there are danger signs that can heed the workplace environment is on a downward spiral.

A big problem is insipid and valueless politicking behind people’s backs. Disgruntled saboteurs motivated by negative wants, can turn neutral discussions and meetings into political debates for personal gains.
Negative gossiping is a toxin in workplaces. Whether it is a personality clash, emotionally unwell individual or envy, being involved in or playing the role of a bystander, to negative gossip creates emotional instability and plants seeds of disloyalty and doubt in otherwise healthy workplaces.
Lying, cheating and stealing are obvious acts that make our work environments unsafe and uncomfortable. These negative practices and illegal actions discourage people to work in a company if not addressed quickly and resolutely. We all need boundaries and consequences. Especially at work, where our actions affect all who share our work days.

Good working environments bind employees to each other and to the company.

2. Empowerment

Empowerment means giving people the power, authority, freedom and responsibility to carry out their jobs. In other words, don’t micro manage. People cannot learn to grow in a role (or in life), if they are not allowed to struggle, fail and problem solve how to be successful. Autonomy allows us to have a sense of control over our work and makes employees feel valued. Empowerment leads to greater job satisfaction, contentment in the role, endurance and accomplishment. All which leads to better commitment and loyalty from the team. Empowerment is an important motivational tool that makes employees independent by giving them the means, ability and authority to do the work.

3. Hiring the Right People

One of the worst mistakes companies can make is hiring wrong people. It only takes one person to disrupt and damage a healthy team. Introducing someone new with negative attitudes, low job competence, who do not meet the requirements of the jobs they are hired for is a recipe for chaos. Spend the time and the money to get it right. Know what skills and abilities the team needs and understand the workplace culture, to help employ the best individual for the job, the team and the company.

4. Work/Life Balance

Helping employees to achieve balance between work and their personal lives encourages a happy work environment. Many studies have revealed that work life balance is one of the main concerns of employees. Organisations which enable employees to balance work and family responsibilities experience a return in the positive impact on employees’ longevity. You will know when the balance is off, when you note an increase in sick leave, lowering work output and increased conflict.

5. Go out of your way

How about doing something global? Going out of your way to show empathy to a cause or aligning the company values with a need socially or economically will demonstrate the ethical and moral values of the organisation. Donations and mission statements with actions, can be powerful ways to improve the workplace, value add to the organisation and bond a team together.

Part 3 of improving your workplace will move closer to home and look at how you, as an individual, can improve your own workplace.

Stay tuned. Stay healthy.

We all like to think we are providing a good work-life balance for our teams. Most organsiations have a solid awareness of areas of improvement and concern in the workplace and within their teams. Still, there is always room for improvement. Changing things, upgrading or revitalizing will help your mission to enhance your teams working life. Aim to keep the culture fresh and current with new options for happier employees.

Over the next few months I'll keep adding to the list of ways to improve your teams working life. For now, here are 5 ways you might need to think about or review.

1- Mind Trophies:

Have you got this locked in yet? A reward and recognition system (or as I call them, Mind Trophies), that includes both material as well as psychological rewards, always goes a long way to keeping your team focused on the big picture. Where there is a reward you will often, but not always, find commitment. Don't get caught up in bonuses and wage increases. Rewards can be more creative. A late morning start. A shorter day. A day off! A surprise feast in the staff room. An activity after hours. How about a yoga class or relaxation activity in work hours? Keeping it really simple, an email to everyone on a job well done. A personal thank you in a gift voucher. If you need a competitive team to work together, how about employee of the week? Or month? Make sure you keep the criteria moving so everyone has a fair shot, (how about most productive to most friendly?). Providing the proper reward and recognition can stem disgruntled people in your team from finding a hook to drag others down with them. It can shift an unhappy employee into a more open and positive frame of mind. Remember, we want to grow their skills and energy and for that we need mind trophies.

2- Personal Growth & Work Opportunities:

Opportunity to try something new and personal growth in a workplace is a powerful distraction to reduce conflict and unhappiness. Goals and dreams keep hope alive. By creating avenues forward (and even sideways as long as it has something new to offer), our teams can be focused on improvement rather than stalling in dissatisfaction. Better yet, if grumblings are starting, (you know what I'm saying, short answers, negative body language, reduced eye contact), ask your team members what kind of opportunities do they want? We all need to be challenged in some way, in order to develop resilience and intelligence. How are you developing opportunities to learn and grow in your team? Explore and create.

3- Respect & Self Esteem:

Whatever the status, everyone needs respect. A good manager demonstrates this and encourages everyone around them to emulate. A manager I worked with lost respect from their team because of their behavior. The thing was, they had no idea how they behaved or that the team had become affected by it. All of us, managers, directors, CEO's and staff need to be cognizant of how we demonstrate respect and expect it to be shown to us. Whether you like your colleague on a personal level is irrelevant. At work we aim to be professional, at all times. Showing respect for each other demonstrates this to ourselves and our team.

The way we converse and behave is also an indicator of our self-worth. It improves our self-esteem and those around us when we act in a polite and respectful manner in the workplace. Congratulating each other on a job well done, for helping out, staying back late or organising meetings or work social events boosts self-esteem and creates a friendlier workplace culture. Don't forget to say thank you. It goes a long way. When people are respected, and we build their self-esteem, they do their best to push for success.

4- Vision:

It is no use trying to get a team positively focused if they are asking you 'Commitment towards what?' Organizations and leaders should provide a compelling vision of the future to employees. Careful not to make it too long term, unless you have profiled all your team and they match on endurance and ambition traits, you might need to come up with short and long-term visions. Most people will be content if they can visualize what they are supposed to achieve. An effective leader will motivate people, by giving them a vision of what they can become and how they can be part of the transformation of the organisations, from where it is now to reaching the vision in the future.

5- Walk the Walk:

In order to sustain an improved work life and have the support from employees, employers should initiate by example or self-commitment. Don't expect your team to believe what you are saying if you talk the talk but can't walk the walk. I often sit at my admin's desk and do the work. Answer the phones, take bookings and fumble about in the extensive computer system (which I am often asked to leave, politely but firmly by my clinic manager!). I talk to prospective clients and answer questions from our team of consultants. I'm not sure how helpful I am, but it is important to acknowledge the job they do and demonstrate my own personal commitment to the workplace running well. I try being a positive energy each time I walk through the door. Lead by example. Being present and approachable is the best way of measuring stress and work load in the team. You can find out how successful your input is by how smoothly the operation side of the business is running.

Let's not forget the basics here too. Have you got the proper tools and equipment to improve their work life? Have you provided adequate training and development to reach the vision you have talked about. Are you putting out the interpersonal fires as they spring up? Do you make time to manage rather than oversee your team?

Improving your teams work life is about building a culture of optimism, growth, respect and reward for hard work. All which can be modelled by you, the leadership.

Look out for the next tips in the next few months, on building a better work life for your team.

Text A goal without a plan is just a wish typed on retro typewriter

How to Identify goals

It is that time of year again! We set about making goals that we were unable to complete during the year. Or the year before. Or the year before that. Why is it so hard to achieve a goal we really want? What makes us go from high motivation to loss of absolute interest and then a sense of failure, (and if you are the type who insists on making a public announcement of your new year goal, some level of embarrassment when people realise you have not been able to stick to the plan).

It takes more than a alcohol infused inspirational dream. More than just desire and motivation. Goal achievement is a little more complicated than most of us realise. Otherwise we would all achieve our dreams very easily. Our goals are what keep us going and help define our purpose in life. Goals, when properly determined, are nothing else but what we are meant to do. It is where we hope to see ourselves years from now – the ultimate destination of hopes and dreams.

Over the next few weeks I will offer some tips to help you through the goal setting and achieving process. From identifying what your goal is to celebrating reaching it.

So let’s get started.

Do you know what your goals are?

Have you tried to find out and set them for yourself? If yes, what techniques have you used?

First and foremost is know what your goal is. Vague goals like, “I want to lose weight,” are too broad and full of escape routes out of success. In fact, they are a dream, a concept or a desire but not a goal. I want to lose 5 kilos in 5 months is a goal. Be specific. But before we can look at goal achievement, we need to know the goal really is and why. Here are some ways to begin to identify your own personal goal before you set out to make it happen.

VALUES- Connect the dots.

Know Your values: The important beliefs in your life.

Think about what is important to you.

What do you value?

What are your beliefs about the things that are important to you?

Make a list of the 10 most important values you can think of and then rank them from highest to lowest. Think about things like Love, Success, Friends, Power, knowledge, Freedom, Popularity, Responsibility, Honesty, Humour, Loyalty, Achievement, Beauty, Spirituality, Wisdom, Fairness, Creativity, Wealth, etc

Done? So now where does your goal fit in with your value set? Which value is it aligned with? If a goal can be identified with a value you hold, it is easier to connect with the aim of reaching the goal than if you have little idea about why you want to achieve the goal in the first place.

VISION BOARDS OR MIND MAPS

Sift Through Your Subconscious. Okay, sounds a little new age and unorthodox but to grasp what you subconsciously want, you can try this. Take a piece of paper and a pen, and write down about your vision of an ideal life. Jot down the important points and then study them carefully. The parts which you haven’t yet achieved are the ones that you desire, and these should form the foundation of the goal identification process. What you have left is a vision of what goals could bring you happiness. Get creative and make a visual representation of your goal.

A vision board or Mind Map is a tool used to help clarify, concentrate and maintain focus on a specific life goal. A vision board is any sort of board (be it in your kitchen at work or on your phone using a mind map app), on which you display images that represent whatever you want to be, do or have in your life. Try to think of times when you were at your happiest. What images come to mind that you can associate with the goal to make the process easier and more positive.

QUESTIONS- Four Future Facts you need to ask.

Ask the questions you need. A goal is a future task that we activate in the present, so acknowledge that you are working towards a goal somewhere down the track. It is not going to be instantaneous and, yes all you iGen, YGen and zGen people that means goals are not based on instant gratification.

Work For It. Nothing was ever gained without hard work. If you want something great, you need to toil for it and with goals, the best way to know that it’s the right fit, is to take chances. Stop worrying about consequences and take that leap! It is only when you have attempted several things will you develop an understanding of what works for you and what doesn’t.

Don’t be afraid of recognising you may lack insight. One of the biggest reasons why goals don’t work out for some people is the reason they were set in the first place. It is always about the end result and the ultimate ‘prize’ and never about the path to it. Yes, goals, by definition, are the result that you would expect from your efforts but if you don’t consider the journey that leads to it, you will never make it. For example, say you want to earn a fortune. It won’t happen by magic and there is a lot of hard work involved. Being lazy or unwilling to put in the hard yards, will not cut it and the goal will remain forever elusive. If you feel you don’t have enough real insight into your values, your goals and your endurance for reaching goals, seek advice and support rather than putting goals in the too hard basket.

Make sure when you are identifying your goal, you ask yourself the four future facts to make the future happen.

Where do you want to be in 1 year from now?
What do you need to do to make it happen?
Where do you want to be in 5 years from now?
What do you need to do to make it happen?

Don’t forget that all goals Are Subject to Change – It is not set in stone that when you have identified something as your goal, you’d have to stick to it despite evidence to the contrary. Don’t be stubborn about something and instead, always look for better avenues to your goals. Re-think everything and identify new goals flexibly. If you set a goal to lose weight in 5 months and don’t, well, redefine your goal with new expectations and knowledge about how hard or how long the goal is really going to take. Goals are things we have to manage around our lives, loves and work so cut yourself a little bit of slack if time is against you. Don’t see it as a sign your goal is unachievable.

Identify you can have more than one goal in life. There is no limitation when it comes to your goals. Yes, there are things to which you may be suited to more than others, but versatility is always a gift. Rather than identifying and sticking to one thing when you are multi-talented and can have many well-formed goals. Don’t focus on ‘One’ but rather open your eyes to the ‘Many.’

Goals are all about you and your self-expectations. As such, it is less about what’s going on around you and more about what’s happening in you. Your goals are an extension of your abilities and they should never be anything less. Smaller goals will be a wasted potential and excessive projections will result in failure. Always go for what you are confident about and what makes you happy as with positive effort and thinking comes the strength of accomplishment.